


Lost Stars

by thatgirljazz



Series: Gold Trilogy [3]
Category: Les Misérables (2012), Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: Cheating, Child Death, Depression, F/F, F/M, M/M, Modern Era, Multi, Sex, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-11
Updated: 2020-07-06
Packaged: 2020-08-18 19:36:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 31,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20197015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thatgirljazz/pseuds/thatgirljazz
Summary: Tragedy either pulls you apart or makes your bond stronger. After the sudden loss of their baby, Enjolras and Kayla’s marriage is put to the test as Kayla is unable to find healing. Enjolras seeks out Éponine for comfort.  The struggle ripples out to all their loved ones.





	1. i

**Author's Note:**

> If Sudden Infant Death Syndrome is a trigger for you or any kind of baby death, I'd say skip the first few chapters or read the last chapter. Title and lyrics come from "Lost Stars" from the film Begin Again. Please leave feedback and enjoy!

_ But are we all lost stars, trying to light up the dark?_

The summer rain comes down in sheets and the cars fill up the driveway. Enjolras throws it in park and rushes out with Camille.He tents his coat over their heads to block the rain as they zip to the house. Kayla makes no attempt to block the rain. Slowly, she gets to the porch and her hand stills on the door.

A sudden slam of a car door makes her turn her head. It's a yellow taxi at the end of the driveway. The passenger hesitates, but then taps on the top and it drives off.

His back is to her. He shakes the collar of his trench coat, but doesn’t pull it over his head. His gait is slow, maybe on purpose, and he's average height. Kayla watches as he comes towards her. The breath in her lungs catches in her throat as he stands on her sidewalk.

"Hey, Kales.”

“Noah…”

"I'm so sorry," he whispers.

Kayla takes a shaky breath or three before speaking.

"How did you know?"

“Eli told me," he takes a deep breath. “I was praying I was wrong when I walked in.”

“You were at the funeral?"

Noah nods. Silence settles between them in a sudden awkward wave.

"Do you want me to go?"

"No," the word come out faster than she wanted. If he noticed, he's not letting on.

"Probably should," his head jerks to the door, "right?"

Kayla nods and opens the door. Noah follows. The rain drips onto the hardwood floors as she puts their coats on the coat rack. There's heavy chatter in the kitchen.

"Kay, I was wondering where—"

Hazel eyes flicker between the two of them.

“Hey…Noah.”

“Hey, Autumn.”

“Eli told him…” Kayla mumbles.

"Thank you for coming," Autumn sighs.

"I had to.”

The immediacy of his answer takes both Autumn and Kayla off guard. Eli sees them and comes over.

“I’m glad you could make it,” Eli says as they hug.

“Yeah, you could’ve given her some warning,” Noah raises his eyebrows.

“Sorry, Kay. You had so much going on,” Eli sighs.

“Don’t worry about it,” Kayla shrugs.

"Do you want something to eat or drink?”, Autumn looks at Noah.

"Sure. Thanks. Come on, Kales," his hand touches her back and then pulls away almost instantly. Autumn and Kayla shoot each other a look before she walks away with Eli.

“What the bloody hell do you think you’re doing, Eli?” Autumn whispers harshly.

“The minute I told him-- he wanted to come. She meant a lot to him,” Eli sighs.

“She has a husband.”

“That _cheated_ on her.”

“Oh, that’s what this is about? You haven’t forgiven Enjolras and you want her to leave him for _Noah_?”

“No, Autumn, I would never do that. This is a really hard time for her. I thought she could use all the support she could get,” Eli walks away from his wife.

In the kitchen, there's small sandwiches and trays of vegetables. Kayla grabs a few carrots. Noah hands her a glass of wine.

"Thank you," she drinks deeply.

He raises his eyebrows slightly before drinking his own glass, but not as fast. She lets out a sigh at the sound of talking in the living room.

"Do you wanna get some air?”

“_Yes_, please.”

Kayla walks out and Noah follows her. The rain is still coming, but they're safe and dry on the porch.

"Do you have a cigarette?" she asks after a moment.

"No, not since we quit," he sighs.

The rain hits the gutters and drips onto the grass.

"You have a really nice house," Noah licks his lips.

"Thanks," Kayla clears her throat.

"Did--"

The front door opens.

"Mom?" Camille steps out onto the porch with Brinkley. She looks at the both of them.

"Camille is my step-daughter, Noah and this is our dog, Brinkley.”

"Are you _Noah Stein_?” Camille gives a polite smile and shakes his hand.

"Guess I am," he returns the smile.

"Haley Stamper chose you as her author of the month, but Mrs. Donovan said your books are for high school reading. She said she just wanted a poster of your…face…”

Kayla laughs for the first time this week as Noah and Camille both turn pink.

“It’s really nice to meet you.”

“You too.”

Camille suddenly remembers why she came out and looks at Kayla.

"They're asking about you."

Kayla's smile fades.

"We were just getting some air," Noah interjects.

"In the rain?" Camille looks confused.

"Yeah," Noah and Kayla say in unison. Noah chuckles.

"Who asked?"

"Uncle Ferre and Papa."

"Just let him know where I am and I'll be in soon."

"Okay. Nice meeting you."

“You too."

Camille walks back in with Brinkley on her heels.

"Cute kid," Noah laughs.

"She's amazing," Kayla smiles. She pauses before speaking. “So are you married with two tots at Hebrew school?"

“Me a dad? No. I did get married..."

“Yeah, Eli told me,” Kayla keeps looking at her hand.

“And then divorced like a year later,” he shakes his head.

She looks up.

"She was a Catholic, blonde, musical theatre actress. You pick which was the worst part."

"_Shit_, Noah. I bet Rebecca loved that."

"She wasn't my biggest fan at that time, so we didn't talk much." 

"Your mother not talk to her only son? I find that hard to believe," Kayla's eyes widen.

"Great sex and lots of partying do not make a great marriage. Ma didn't approve of any of that."

“You being a dick? Never.”

“I got better, didn’t I?”

“And then apparently you got worse.”

Noah laughs and Kayla shakes her head.

"Oh, she gave me something for you," Noah reaches into his jacket and pulls out an envelope," I told her I was coming. She sends her condolences.”

Kayla looks at the envelope and can’t help the sudden rush of tears. Rebecca was always so kind to her even after she broke her son’s heart. Kayla sniffles and wipes her eyes.

“We should probably head back in, yeah?”

They walk back inside.

“Hey, Cam said you were out there,” Enjolras walks up to them.

“Noah Stein,” Noah offers his hand.

“Gabriel Enjolras. You’re a friend of Kayla’s?”

“Yeah. From school.”

“Oh, well, thanks for coming.”

“I’m really sorry for your loss.”

“Thanks. It was nice meeting you,” Enjolras takes a deep breath and walks away.

“You too,” Noah nods.

“He’s just not together today.”

“Right, of course.” 

He pauses for a moment then reaches forward and takes both her hands in his. He used to do this all the time when he was really serious. She’s taken aback by the gesture.

“I hate leaving—like this, but I have to go.”

"Oh, of course. Do you need me to call you a cab?” she squeezes his hands and lets go.

“No, thanks,” he shows her his phone,” I got it.”

She grabs his coat. Noah shrugs it on.

"Thank you for coming," she tells him,"really."

"_Don't_ thank me.”

She nods as her throat tightens. Noah pats himself down and pulls a card out of his coat.

“Call me if you’re in the city.”

“Yeah, I will,” Kayla nods.

Noah squeezes her shoulder and then pulls back. Kayla watches him walk down the driveway, unaffected by the rain. He gets in the car and she shuts the door.

Courfeyrac leaves before Harper. It’s still awkward after they called it quits. She goes shortly after with a big hug to Kayla. They are the first of their close friends to leave. Fantine, Éponine, and Autumn clean up the kitchen.Autumn and Eli have an early flight back, so they have to go shortly after. Autumn holds Kayla and when she pulls back, Eli hugs her. It's almost enough to make Kayla cry.

“Kay, Eli and I have been talking and we wanna move here to New York.”

“Not because of me, please.”

“Not just that. Eli wants to make his own studio and there’s a lot of fashion designers here that I could learn from before making my own company. My boss thinks it’s a good idea and we miss you. It’s just probably gonna take a year. Hopefully, we’ll know more at Thanksgiving.”

Kayla wraps her arms around her and holds her tight. She’d love to have Autumn here. She needs her.

Soon, it's only Combeferre and Éponine left. Camille goes to bed around nine because she's so tired. Enjolras goes out onto the porch. Éponine looks at Combeferre who nods. She gets up and goes after him.

"How are you?"Éponine asks quietly.

"Exhausted," Enjolras replies. He looks down.

"I'm so sorry," she sighs.

"You know, we didn't even--our nursery is still..." Enjolras can't find the words.

"It's okay," Éponine squeezes his shoulder.

He starts to cry and she hugs him. He breaks down in her arms.

Meanwhile, Combeferre hangs by the kitchen and looks into the living room.Kayla finally opens Rebecca’s card.

_Dear Kayla,_

_Noah told me what happened and I’m sorry I can’t make it for the funeral. I know it’s been a some time, but I wanted to express my condolences. I’m so sorry. I wouldn’t wish losing a child on anyone, especially not someone as kind as you. If you need anything, love, please reach out. Eli should have my number._

_ Love you always,_

_Rebecca Stein_

Kayla bursts into tears and Combeferre comes to her side. He holds her for a while. She pulls back and wipes her eyes. She grabs the bottle of wine off the table.

"Can I have a glass?" he asks.

She pours him one and slides it over. They drink in silence. She’s glad for that.


	2. ii

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lyrics from "The Hill" from Once. Please leave feedback and enjoy!

_I’m on my knees in front of him, but he doesn't seem to see me. _

_With all his troubles on his mind, he's looking right through me._

_ And I'm letting myself down by satisfying you. _

_And I wish that you could see that I have my troubles too._

After work, Enjolras comes home and hears a crashing sound. Brinkley barks with loud intensity. He sprints up the stairs and sees Kayla throwing everything in the nursery in a trash bag.

"Kayla, what are you doing?" he rushes into the room.

"I can't have this here anymore. I can't," she takes the mobile down and throws it in.

"Kayla..."

She moves over to the crib and grabs the blanket. She brings it to his face.

"It doesn't smell like her anymore. It doesn't. I-I don't want it."

Enjolras grabs her hands and looks into her eyes. Her lip trembles before he pulls her into his chest. He rubs her back and takes the blanket from her, setting it back in the crib.

"C'mon," he takes her hand and leads her back to their room. She shouldn't be in there anymore.

He pulls her into his chest and holds her. She clings to him as her body shakes with silent sobs.

"I love you, Kay," he kisses her softly.

"I love you too," she sighs against his lips.

A month later, Camille is in the kitchen eating breakfast with Enjolras. Enjolras looks back at the stairs.

"I don't think she's coming, Papa," Camille drinks her orange juice.

"The therapist said she should be getting back into a routine again. She’s been lying around for a month. It’s not healthy,” Enjolras stands up.

“Papa--”

Camille reaches out, but he walks past her and goes upstairs. Kayla is in bed with her back to him. Brinkley sleeps at her feet. He’s been her watchful guardian lately.

"I'm going to take Camille to school," he says.

"Okay."

Enjolras sighs and stands up.

"I should've checked on her."

"What?"

"I didn't check on her. I was too tired."

"Kayla..."

Enjolras moves into the bed and touches her back, ”You didn't do this."

Kayla just turns to look at him with tears glistening in her eyes.She waits for him to say something else, anything. Enjolras doesn't know what to say. She didn't do this. What else can he tell her?Kayla wipes her eyes and turns her back to him. Enjolras walks back downstairs.

When he meets Combeferre for lunch, he hopes he can shed some light.

"It's natural for her to blame herself," Combeferre says.

"I know. I just don't know how to fix this," Enjolras sighs.

"You can't. Sudden Infant Death Syndrome is horrible. I know you're used to Kayla being a rock, but she's just not gonna be that right now."

"I just don't know how to talk to her,” Enjolras runs a hand through his thick blond hair.

"What does your therapist say?" Combeferre hates seeing Enjolras like this. He sighs heavily.

“ ‘Give her time. We all grieve differently,'" Enjolras really doesn't see the point of seeing this therapist.

"It's true.”

Enjolras doesn’t want to say what he’s thinking, so he just holds his tongue. He has to

work late that night and grabs dinner in Midtown. Kayla’s probably in bed, so this is a better choice as any. He decides to eat the bar, so he doesn’t have to wait. He spies a familiar face.

“Éponine?”

She turns her head. She lights up immediately.

“Hey, Enjolras.”

“What are you doing here?”

“I’m having dinner.”

“I see. Is Ferre working late?”

“He’s been working long shifts and then he just comes home. Work, home, work, home.”

“Gotta keep busy, I guess. Well, at least he gets out of bed.”

“What do you mean?”

“Kayla’s still on leave from work. She doesn’t do anything but pick Cam up from school.”

“I’m sorry. It’s like you can’t say anything because then you sound like an asshole.”

“Exactly!”

They both get burgers and have a few drinks. Enjolras figures he will sober up on the train ride.

“I just wanna be happy again, you know,” he sighs.

“You will just--”

“If you say give her time--”

“No! You need to talk to her. Wake her up. Remind her you’re there. She’s your wife.”

“Maybe you should take your own advice. You said Ferre doesn’t talk to you or do anything besides work. Demand that he talk to you.”

“I’m really glad I saw you tonight,” she smiles at him.

“Me too,” he grins.

That night, Éponine takes the party home and opens a bottle of wine. She finishes half of it when Combeferre comes home.

“Hey. My head is killing me. I’m gonna lie down,” he goes over to her and gives her a kiss on the forehead. He walks into the bedroom and collapses on the bed.

She slams the glass down,takes a deep breath and goes over to the bedroom. She turns the light on.

“I need to talk to you,” she says.

“Clearly,” Combeferre shields his eyes. “I’m tired, ‘Ponine. I just worked a twelve hour shift. Can’t we talk about this in the morning?”

"No! I wanna talk about this now!” Éponine sighs.

“Have you been drinking?” Combeferre sits up and takes a deep breath.

“So what if I have? It’s not like you take me out anymore.”

“I think we should have this talk when you’re sober.”

“No! You’re not gonna shut me out. What is going on with you?”

"I don’t wanna talk about this right now."

"If it’s about Sophie, you didn't do anything wrong."

“It certainly doesn’t feel like it.”

“You won’t let me help you. Camille talks to me. Enjolras talks to me. You don’t.”

“What am I supposed to say? ‘I feel like a failure. I took shifts in the ER because I can’t bare to look at kids anymore.’ How can I tell you that?”

“You did what?”

“That’s exactly why I didn’t tell you! Because you’d look at me like that--like I’m crazy.”

“You’re not crazy--”

“You say I don’t talk to you, but you don’t talk to me either. You check on upon Camille. You haven’t exactly checked up on me.”

“Look, I understood at first. We were all sad, but it’s gone on so long. It’s your friends’ baby.”

“Wow.”

“Wow,” she mimics.

“Go to bed---”

“I know I’m not as perfect as Kayla with her doe eyes and her kind to everything that moves shit. She’s a fucking Disney princess, but I’m not.”

“I don’t--I’m not into Kayla. You’re being insane, _go to bed_.”

“You love her. That’s the only reason why I can think you’re taking it so hard.”

“She’s one of my best friends. Of course I love her.”

“You could’ve fucked her that night. I remember.”

“You almost slept with Enjolras,_ I _remember. We were upset. I didn’t even kiss her. Why are you making this about me and Kayla?”

“Because I saw you at the funeral. You were holding her while she cried and drinking with her, but you don’t do that with me.”

“It was funeral for _her_ baby! Look, I’m sorry I’m not as affectionate as you want me to be right now, but it’s not like you’re exactly understanding.”

“How dare you!I’m supporting Cam through this, but she’s moving forward. So is Enjolras. They’re not stuck.”

“Oh, like I am?”

“Yeah.”

“Let me get this straight because I’m having a rough time you’ve decided what exactly?”

“It wasn’t _your_ baby. It wasn’t _your_ sister. I don’t wanna be a bitch, but come on. Yeah, you were the baby’s doctor, but she also had an OB GYN. I’m sure that doctor is fine. Don’t they prepare you for that? I don’t understand why you’re taking it so hard.”

“What the--”

"Nicolas, I don’t know how to help you. We don’t go out like we used to--you don’t make love to me--it’s like we’re roommates--”

“Roommates?”

“The worst part is we don’t even fight anymore. It’s like you’ve given up and I’m just playing along.”

"What do you call this? We’re fighting right now.”

“I can’t do this. I don’t want to feel like this anymore.”

“Like what?”

“Like I’m--not--_fuck_\--like I’m not good enough.”

“I never said that. Look, there’s no point in arguing with you. You’re--”

“Why don’t you love me?”

“What? Are you serious? Of course I love you. You’re drunk--”

“If you say I’m drunk one more time--”

“You_ are _drunk! And I’m not sleeping here,” Combeferre gets up. He grabs an overnight bag from the closet.

“You’re leaving me? You were supposed to be the good one. You weren’t supposed to hurt me.”

“I’m just going to a friend’s.”

“Kayla’s? Are you gonna go to her? Enj says she spends all day in bed. Maybe she’ll give up some room for you.”

Combeferre sets his jaw. He can feel the anger boiling up inside of him.

“I never thought you would make fun of a grieving mother to make me feel as bad as you do.”

“Of course you defend her. Why don’t you go be with her then?” She rips the ring off her finger and throws it at him.

Combeferre doesn’t say a word. He can’t look at her. He takes a deep breath and walks out.

In the morning, Éponine’s head is pounding. She can’t remember a lot of what happened. She remembers a fight with Combeferre. She sees her engagement ring on the floor by the door and he’s nowhere to be found. Oh, no. She calls him and it goes straight to voicemail.

“Ferre, I’m sorry. Please come home.”

She goes for a walk around the city and gets a cup of coffee. She really shouldn’t have drank so much. She only feels worse as the day goes on because she actually remembers what she said. When she comes home, Combeferre is waiting.

“Hey,” she says slowly. She sits across from him in the living room.

“Hey,” Combeferre sighs,” I know you didn’t mean what you said. And I’m sorry that I haven’t been treating you the best. Couples fight and we needed that so we can get better.”

Éponine nods. Combeferre sets her engagement ring on the table, but she doesn’t put it back on.

“I am sorry for most of what I said. I don’t hate Kayla and I know you’re going through a lot. But there’s a lot of truth in what I said about us and it took me getting drunk for us to talk about it.”

“What are you saying?” Combeferre stands up.

“I don’t think we can be together anymore. This isn’t healthy and I don’t want to keep hurting each other like this.”

“Come on, I know we fought, but we’re good together--we--”

She slides the ring back over to him.

“You’re serious,”Combeferre's brown eyebrows knit together as he tries to process.

“I think it’s for the best,” she doesn’t hide her tears as they slide down her cheeks.

Combeferre leaves the ring and walks away from her. He chokes back a sob and leaves.

A buzzing sound on the table wakes Éponine up in the morning. Her eyes are tired and puffy from crying all night as she sees Camille's calling.

"H-Hello?"

"Maman? Are you okay?"

“Ferre and I--we broke up."

"I'll be there as soon as I can," Camille hangs up.

Éponine dozes off again by the time she hears the knock on the door. Enjolras and Camille are standing there. Camille engulfs her in a hug and holds her while she cries. Enjolras leaves Camille there to stay for the weekend. Kayla is waiting when he comes home.

"What happened?"

"They’ve broken up.”

“_What_?" Kayla almost drops her cup.

"They had a huge fight and it’s over."

“Oh my God,” Kayla can’t believe it.

“I know. We didn’t want her to be alone.”

“Poor Ferre.”

“Poor Ferre? This is crushing Éponine.”

“ You haven’t even talked to him. You don’t know his side. He’s your best friend.”

“She’s my friend too.”

“You know what, I’m not talking about this,” Kayla walks away.

Kayla stays off the topic of Éponine and Combeferre for the next few days. Camille spends the weekend with her. Enjolras has lunch with Combeferre, but it’s strained. So, Kayla visits him on Saturday. They go to a restaurant. Kayla greets him with a hug.

“How are you?”

“Well, I’m not engaged anymore,” he shakes his head.

“What _happened_?”

“She got drunk and she started telling me how unhappy she was. She said some really cruel things and I left for the night. When I came back, she didn’t want to make up. She said we weren’t healthy, so we’re over. I’ve already packed up all my stuff and I’ve found a couple of places in the Village,” he sighs. “I’m staying with someone from work right now.”

“How did she get so upset?” Kayla is stunned.

“She’d been holding it in for a while. She couldn’t understand why I’ve been so upset over Sophie since she wasn’t my child. She thought I was in love with you,” Combeferre tells her.

“What? No, you--you were her doctor,” Kayla shakes her head.

“I know. She’s upset and she lashes out. Yeah...I’ve been working a lot and not talking to her. I didn’t know how to talk to her. I thought we would work through it like everything else eventually.”

“I’m sorry, Ferre.”

“It’s hard to work with kids right now and I took some ER shifts, but the hospital isn’t happy. They want the newer doctors to work ER. They’re transferring me to a sister hospital. I didn’t know how to tell her that,” he runs a hand through his hair.

“Sophie wasn’t your fault, Ferre,” she touches his hand.

“She wasn’t your fault either,” he reminds her.

“Yeah….”

“See? Not that easy.”

She gives him a tiny smile.

“I know I’m married and it’s different. I tell Enjolras how I’m feeling. If you couldn’t talk to her, then I’m sorry, but maybe this is a good thing.”

“It’s hard to see it that way right now.”

“I know, but you’re gonna get through this,” she squeezes his hand.

Combeferre smiles at her.

On Sunday, Camille returns and at dinner, she brings up her mother.

"She's in really bad shape," she tells them, "we need to help her."

“Look, I can’t do that right now,” Kayla sighs.

"Kayla," Enjolras glares at her.

"Mom, I didn't mean you—"

“I’ll take her to lunch next week and check up on her if no one else will.”

“Of course you will,” Kayla throws her hands up and walks away.

"_Papa_..."

"We're all grieving here. It doesn't mean we just stop living our lives and reject the people we care about."

“She’s not doing that,” Camille pushes past him and goes up the stairs.

Things are strained. Enjolras hangs out with Combeferre, but finds it easier to hang out with Éponine. He just doesn’t know what to say to Combeferre. He can’t cheer him up and he knows how that could wear someone down. Enjolras meets Éponine for a movie. It’s some stupid comedy, but it makes them both feel better. Afterwards, she walks him back to the train station.

“Thanks for going to the movies with me,” she smiles.

“What are friends for?” he smiles back.

Éponine hugs him. He wraps his arms around her tightly. She sighs and he pulls back.

“Have a good night.”

“You too.”

Combeferre isn’t having such luck. He knows why Enjolras is being weird and hopes time will fix it. He decides to just focus on work. The new hospital is great, but it sucks being the new kid at school. He’s assigned to another pediatrician, Dr. Tessa Wright. She’s very commanding despite her petite stature. She has her long, curly hair in a ponytail as dark as her eyes. She’s very detail oriented and has a great bedside manner. She has a habit of making the children smile even when they don’t want to, but he’s too distracted by the ache in his chest whenever he sees children. In the cafeteria, Tessa walks over to him as he’s reading a book.

“Hey, mind if I join you?” she asks.

“Sure,” he moves his tray.

“Have you read it before?” Tessa gestures to the book.

“Uh, yeah, many times. I _love_ Noah Stein,” he cracks a bit of a smile.

“He’s so good, isn’t he? I don’t know how each of his books get better than the last. I hope he’s writing something new soon,” Tessa grins.

“I can’t wait. I can never make it for his book signings cause I’m always--”

“Working? Me too.”

Combeferre and Tessa laugh. She notices it seems like the first time he’s laughed in a while. She looks down at his plate.

“It’s always amazing to me how the food can look really good, but then not quite taste like food. I’m always hungry after,” Tessa comments.

“Yeah, that’s true,” he chuckles a bit.

“Now, that you’ve sort of laughed at my food joke, may I ask you a question?” she looks at him in a way that he feels exposed.

“Yeah,” he shrugs to cover it.

“Did you lose a bet and become a pediatrician?”

“Hm?”

“I’m just used to doctors who seem more involved with children? You kinda keep them at a distance. I know recently you were in the ER, so did you not like it?”

“I hate the ER actually.”

“So, you’re a sadomasochist? Good to know,” she laughs. The sound is rather musical and he can’t help but laugh himself. He stops and takes a deep breath.

“No, I just lost a patient recently and it’s been harder than expected.”

The smile fades instantly.

“I’m so sorry. How old was the child?”

“8 Weeks. Preemie. SIDS. She was the daughter of my best friends. The mother, Kayla, is taking it really hard. It was her first baby.”

“Oh my God. That’s awful.”

“Yeah.”

“I remember my first SIDS case. It wrecked me for a couple months. I can’t imagine being friends with the family.”

“How did you move on?”

“I drank a lot of wine at first. I talked to one of the shrinks here about it. And slowly, I began to accept that it wasn’t my fault. And focused on the kids that still needed me.”

“I see.”

“She still works here. The shrink. I can introduce you if you think that would help.”

“Uh, yeah, that would be great.”

“And if you need a wine drinking partner, I’m available on Sundays,” she smiles,” I didn’t mean it in a weird way. I just know how lonely I felt when I started here.”

“Thank you, Tessa,” he smiles for the first time in a long time.

“You’re very welcome, Nicolas,” she smiles back.

At the suggestion of their marriage counselor, Enjolras takes Kayla out for dinner in the city. Kayla sips her wine.

“This is a nice place.”

“Yeah, it is.”

Kayla looks at the table cloth.

“So, I have something to tell you. There’s a support group for grieving parents. I want to go.”

“No, I’m already doing the therapy.”

“I just—”

“I’m not talking to a bunch of strangers about Sophie.”

“I—I—fine. I don’t wanna fight,” Kayla picks up the menu.

“Me neither,” Enjolras drinks his water.

The rest of the dinner is silent and Kayla heads to bed the second they get home.

The next night when Enjolras comes home from work, he can’t help but think of his wife the entire ride home. He hopes she’s getting better. He misses her.

Kayla is getting dressed and he comes up behind her. She looks so beautiful. She turns around and laughs out of surprise.

“I didn’t see you.”

Enjolras smiles a bit before taking her face his hands and kisses her. She gives him back softly and he responds by kissing her harder. His hand grips her side as he guides her to the bed. He collapses on top of her as her back hits the mattress. His other hand finds her breast and squeezes. She winces.

"Enj," she sighs as he unbuttons her shirt.

He kisses her neck. "Yeah, babe?"

"I don't think--I can't do this right now."

His hand pauses on the button on her jeans and he looks up. "What?"

"I really can't do this right now," she sits up and pushes him off.

Enjolras leans in and kisses her. "C'mon, babe."

Kayla pulls back. "Enj, I'm serious. I can't."

Enjolras sighs and stands up. "When are you gonna stop blaming me?"

Kayla stares at him. “Blame you? I don't blame you."

Enjolras comes behind her and rubs her shoulders. "I miss you, Kay. Don't you miss me?" he brushes the hair off her neck and kisses her skin. "I just wanna make love to you again."

Kayla sighs and pulls away. "I just don't feel like I can."

"Why not?" Enjolras is getting frustrated. He just wants her to connect with him. Maybe if they made love, she'd realize they were gonna be okay.

“I love you, but I can’t,” she bites her lip. "I wish I could just throw myself at you, but I can't."

"Kayla, when are you going to stop this? It's not your fault. It's not my fault. It kills me and I wish to God it never happened, but we can't change that," he takes her hand. He just wishes they could move forward.

“If I could stop it, don’t you think I would have?”, she blinks back her tears, but Enjolrasturns away and doesn't see them.

"Kay, I honestly don't know anymore."

"I'm sorry I'm too upset to fuck you!” Kayla scoffs.

"Hey, don't make me sound like that! I'm not just this jerk begging you for sex. I'm your husband. I'm trying to—”

"As my husband, you should know when to leave me alone!"

"I've left you alone for three fucking months! All I do is leave you alone!” Half of him realizes what he said, but then the other half is too frustrated to stop.

"Get out."

"Kay--"

"Get out, Gabriel!”

If she wants him to leave then he'll leave. He drives to the train station and gets on the next one into the city. He needs to clear his head.

Enjolras walks out of Penn Station and finds a bar in Midtown. He orders a scotch, neat, and waits. He knocks it back and sighs. He orders another and feels a tap on his shoulder.

"Enjolras?"

“Éponine?”

“What are you doing here?” she asks.

“Had a fight with Kayla. She wanted me out of the house, so I came here,” he shrugs.

“I had a date. He didn’t show up,” she sighs.

“Oh?”

"Yeah, I know how to pick ‘em,” she finishes her drink. “Well, I guess I did. You and I were okay for a while.”

"I'm sorry,” Enjolras sees the sadness in her eyes.

"I’m fine. It was too soon anyway," she shrugs. “You okay?”

"Kayla. I'm not asking her to just get over it. I just I want her to stop blaming herself."

“It can only get better from here, right?” Éponine places her hand on top of his. 

Back at home, Camille asks where her father is when Kayla gives her dinner.

"We had a fight, penguin," Kayla sighs.

"Oh, is he staying at a hotel?" Camille swirls the spaghetti around her fork.

"No, nothing like that. I just... I'm sorry, Cam. I didn't mean to shut you out. I love you," Kayla looks into her eyes.

“I loved her. I don't know why this happened,” Camille gives her a smile and takes her hand.

"I wish I knew," Kayla hugs her.

Enjolras comes back and she's locked the door to their bedroom. He sleeps on the couch after taking the dog out. In the morning, she tries to reach out to him, but he shrugs her off and gets in the car.

Right before lunch, Kayla sneaks off to the roof for a smoke break. She exhales slowly. She shouldn't be doing this. It's bad for her, but she smokes anyway.

“Kales?" Noah’s voice gives her a sudden shot of panic to her chest.

“Noah? What are you doing here?” Kayla turns around to face him.

“The receptionist at the desk said you were up here. I’m supposed to talk about a column?” he puts his hands in the pockets of his jeans.

“You’re my one o’clock? Since when do you want a column?” she arches an eyebrow and blows smoke out of the side of her mouth.

“My agent thought it was good thing to keep me writing while I’m thinking of my next book,” Noah saunters over to her and takes the cigarette out of her hand. He stubs it out.

“Hey!” she glares at him.

“Someone once told me ‘it’s the Twenty-First Century. We know this bad’. I didn’t know you did job interviews,” he teases.

“Usually, I don’t. Harper does. She’s sick today,”Kayla shakes her head.

“So is my agent. I think something’s going around.”

“Yeah. That why you’re flying solo?”

“Yup.”

“Um, there’s a restaurant in the Financial District we usually take fancy authors.”

“I’m a fancy author?”

Kayla rolls her eyes at him and doesn’t reply.

“All right. Let’s hit the subway.”

“Wait, fancy author, you still take the subway?”

“Duh. Your Long Island addled brain forgotten how terrible traffic is right now?”

“You sure you’re not a dick anymore?” she squints at him.

“I forgot how mean you were,” Noah laughs.

“Only to you,” she shakes her head.

It’s packed on the subway, but it is faster than a cab. Kayla faces the door, so she’s not constantly looking at him for ten stops.At every stop, Kayla jolts forward and Noah grabs her arm to steady her.As they cross the street to the restaurant, he gets stopped by two pretty young women. Kayla takes the picture for them before they go in.

“I’m sure you get that a lot,” she says as they sit down.

“Not really. Usually only at events,” he drinks deeply out of his water glass.

“Sure,” she smirks.

It’s hard to have small talk with Noah. She gets through the professional questions after ten minutes. She doesn’t know what to say, so she stays quiet. She wishes Harper wasn’t sick. She’s much better at this. Noah plays with the straw in his glass.

“Kales?”

“Hm?” she’s not used to being called that anymore.

“If this column thing is a good idea.”

“Why?”

“Well, I don’t think there’s enough going on in my life to write about. Isn’t your column personal?”

“Believe me, you have more interesting stuff in your life, but if you’re worried about that you could always do a weekly book review,” she sips her water.

“Huh, yeah. That’s a good idea. Probably gonna be shit though. I don’t know, Kales.”

“You’ll be fine.”

The waiter takes their orders and the conversation is stopped by a long silence until their food arrives. Kayla stares at her plate.

“You okay? I mean, I know, but are you okay?” he sets down his steak sandwich.

“Yeah. I had a fight with my husband which I am _not_ talking to you about,” she doesn't know if she said that for her own benefit or for his.

“I’ve never had a husband,” he smirks, “but from my limited one year marriage, I noticed sometimes that compromise thing works.”

“Oh? Really, Dr. Phil?” she rolls her eyes and stabs her fish.

“Just a thought,” his smirk widens.

When Kayla comes back home at the end of the day, Enjolras still isn't talking to her. Camille has dinner at a friend's, so they don't even eat at the table. When she comes home, she does her homework, practices her singing on the piano, and goes to bed. Enjolras comes in from walking Brinkley and goes upstairs.He opens the linen closet and grabs a blanket for the couch.

"Enjolras," Kayla's voice is soft as she kisses him.

Enjolras stares at her, confused. Her hand runs down the side of his cheek and he sighs. She kisses him slowly.She leads him back into their bedroom.

Enjolras takes her in his arms and kisses her. He slides her robe off. She's already naked and gives him a smile. He smiles and kisses her again, before moving his mouth across the bare skin on her shoulders. She pulls back and he tenses. She grabs the ends of his sweater and pulls it over his head. She tugs off the rest of his clothes and they fall on the bed. He's kissing her neck as his hand runs down the valley of her breasts.

"Just be gentle, okay?"

"Everything's not exactly the same yet, "she touches his face. "It's not you."

"I'm so sorry, Kay,” Enjolras smiles and touches her face.

"I love you,” Kayla kisses him.

Enjolras is gentle and sweet, but unlike Kayla hoped it doesn't make the ache in her chest go away. He gives her soft kiss and rolls onto his side. He falls asleep soon after. Kayla tries to sleep, but she can't. She gets up and goes to the bathroom. She turns the faucet on to hide her cries; unable to shake the weight off her shoulders.

In the morning, Kayla drags herself out of bed and makes breakfast. She’s preparing Camille’s lunch when Enjolras walks down the stairs. He smiles at her.

“So what’s on the menu?”

“Omelettes.”

She puts one on his plate and hands it to him.

“Thanks. So how was work yesterday?” he cuts a piece with the side of his fork.

“Good. I had to interview a new columnist. It was Noah Stein, actually,” Kayla hands Enjolras a cup of coffee.

“Wait, your ex—_that_ Noah Stein who was at the funeral? The one who got a book deal and then dumped you?”

“That’s not what happened, ” Kayla turns back to making Camille’s lunch. “Anyway. His agent wants him to work on a column between books. Angie would love it if we nabbed him.”

“Something tells me you will.”

“Are you seriously jealous?”

“Well, he’s your ex.”

“And you’re my husband. You didn’t even remember who he was,” Kayla shakes her head and refrains from stating the obvious.

“We just don’t need any more trouble,” Enjolras sighs.

Kayla shakes her head and sips her tea silently.

The next week is all rain. A parade of umbrellas march down cluttered city streets as cabs honk and unlucky passersby are splashed with puddles. Kayla watches from her office, so focused that she doesn’t hear Harper come in.

“Oh my God! I am so good at my job,” she squeals.

“What?” Kayla turns to look at her.

“Guess who just finalized the deal with Noah Stein?” she’s beaming.

“Congrats,” Kayla doesn’t hide the disappointment in her voice.

Harper takes a seat next to her, confused.

“You’re the one who took him to lunch. Was he a dick? Did he act like he didn’t know you? I hate it when they do that.”

“No, he’s not a dick anymore.”

Harper squints.

“He’s my ex fiancé” Kayla cradles her arms against her chest.

Harper gets to her feet and pulls Kayla up.

“We are going to lunch. _Now_.”

They get seated immediately.

“Tell me everything,” Harper’s brown eyes widen.

“Um. God. We met in a writing class. He was such a dick. Huge ego because he was so talented. He had this brooding Hemingway phase. It was so annoying,” she rolls her eyes, thinking about it. “We fought all the time because he was everywhere. We had all the same classes together.And he was Eli’s roommate and of course Eli and Autumn became a thing right away.”

“Oh my God. This is the best story. I can’t believe you’ve never told me this! Keep going!” Harper listens with rapt attention.

“So there was this party, I got wasted. Man, I told him off. I figured that was it, but he still made sure I got back to my apartment. Autumn was off with Eli, night to make sure I didn’t die of alcohol poisoning. Then I got him breakfast and we buried the hatchet. He actually started listening to my notes and we became best friends,” Kayla reaches for her water.

“This is just like _You’ve Got Mail_!”

“It is not.”

“When did you tell him _you like-liked_ him?” Harper wiggles her eyebrows.

“It took me a while. God, I was nuts about him and so scared and stupid. I didn’t want us to stop being friends, ya know? He was scared too.”

“So…”

“You know how Eli and I had that band?”

“Oh my God. Yes.”

“He came to a concert and I kinda sang...at him.”

“What?”

“He was watching and I got off the stage. Sang to him and kissed him. We made out hard core after that and then the next time we went on a date.”

“You had this brilliant Nora Ephron story and you just sat on it!”

“It’s not a Nora Ephron story!”

“It’s insanely romantic.”

“Well, whatever.”

“When did you..._you know_?” Harper winks.

“Harper!”

“Come on, you know I’ve been fancying him forever. I have to know how he is in bed!”

“I don’t know like six months into our relationship.”

“How did you not shag his brains out right away?”

“Believe me, I wanted to, but...” Kayla looks down,” we hadn’t done it before.”

Harper’s hands cover her mouth.

“Shut up,” Kayla rolls her eyes.

“That’s so sweet. I’m dying. So how was it?” she’s practically ripping out her hair.

“Why are you asking?”

“Because he’s gorgeous and I’m a pervert!”

Kayla starts laughing and Harper smiles.

“We were terrible at it at first. Like over in two minutes. But we were together for three years, so we got a lot better,” Kayla goes pink.

“This should be a book. This is fascinating. So, er, if you don’t mind, how did you become Mrs. Wu-Enjolras and not Mrs. Wu-Stein?”

“Um, I almost did, well, I wanted to. He got signed. He was--is a year older than me so he graduated and sent all his stuff out. Random House wanted him, of course, and he was so happy he just proposed. We tried long distance and I saw how busy he was. I just didn’t want to hold him back and I didn’t want to get ignored, so I broke it off.”

“That’s bloody tragic.” 

“Yeah, but it all worked out. He’s famous and I have Enj and Cam.”

“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me,” Harper runs her fingers through her hair.

“I don’t like talking about my ex. It makes me feel weird.”

“So, that email I sent you a while ago--was that his mum or his manager?”

“The one with the photo? His mom, Rebecca.”

“You know her name. Wow.”

“Of course, I do. I spent Thanksgiving with her for three years.”

“Oh my God. You’re killing me,” Harper nearly falls out of her chair.

“You are so weird.”

“So, the first time you’ve talked to him in forever was the interview?”

“No, he came to the funeral.”

“He what?”

“Eli and him are still best friends. He told him.”

“That’s really nice,” Harper’s eyes widen.

Kayla takes a deep breath. “I know. He’s a really nice guy.”

“Did Enjolras meet him?”

“Yeah, but he didn’t put it together. Harp?”

“Hm?”

“He didn’t take this column thing cause of me, right?” Kayla hates herself for asking.

“Oh,” Harper shakes her head,” no. He showed up with a list of books he wanted to review. He had all these notes and he was just, ready. You didn’t come up at all. I wish all my deals were that professional, honestly. If he’s a nice guy like you said, he wouldn’t go after you.”

“No, I know he wouldn’t.”

“And you wouldn’t.”

“Oh, God, no. I’m married.”

“Then where is this coming from?”

“Enjolras thought he might.”

“Oh, that’s rich coming from him,” Harper scoffs.

“Harp.”

“Sorry. It’s not my place.”

“No, you’re fine. I just think it’s cause it’s been so hard lately.”

Harper reaches across the table and touches her hand. “It’s gonna be okay, love. It’s just a real shit time.”

Kayla blinks back her tears. “Thanks, Harp.” She wipes her eyes.

When Kayla gets home after work the next day, she gets a call from Autumn.

“Hey.”

“So, uh, I saw Noah’s working for you. It was in the _LA Times_.”

“Sorta. I’m just gonna proof his stuff, but we’re not working together.”

“I know he’s been shopping around for a column for a while, but I’m just surprised neither of you told me.”

“Harper handled it. I don’t know, Autumn. It’s weird.”

“Yeah, it’s really weird.”

“I’m not gonna do anything.”

“No, it’ll be nice for you to be friends again and less awkward for me and Eli.”

“We’re not gonna be friends. We’re just working together.”

“It’s okay if you are. I trust you and Noah.”

“Thanks, Autumn.”

“Just next time, tell me.”

“I will.”

“That conversation sounded intense. What was it about?” Enjolras walks over to her and gives her a glass of wine.Kayla takes it.

“Please, don’t make it into a thing.”

“What?” Enjolras furrows his brow.

“Noah Stein got the column. Harper made the deal with him yesterday.”

“Of course he did,” Enjolras scoffs.

“Look, I’m just working with him. I don’t even know if I have to see him. It’ll be emails.”

“Right.”

“I don’t know what I can do to make you trust me.”

“I do trust _you_.”

“What kind of person do you think Noah is? He knows I’m married.”

“Fine.”

Kayla drinks more of her wine. Enjolras follows suit. 

The next weekend, they help Combeferre move into his new apartment in Greenwich Village. It’s bare, but it’s nice. Enjolras helps with the heavy lifting, but he has to pick up Cam from her sleepover. Kayla stays to help Combeferre unpack.

“Once you put your things up, it’ll feel better,” Kayla says at the barren walls.

“I guess I’m just happy we didn’t book anything for the wedding. The wedding fund and the ring really helped my apartment prospects,” he sighs.

“Aw, babe,” Kayla touches his shoulder. He leans into her touch. She hugs him.

“Thanks, Kay. So in an attempt of bribery and to make myself even more pathetic, do you think Cam would help me find a cat? I mean, staying with Charlie was annoying, but at least I wasn’t alone.”

“I’m sure she’d love that. Just give her and Enj time to adjust. Things will be back on track,” she squeezes his shoulder.

“How are you?” Combeferre couldn’t help but think of the terrible things Éponine had said about her during their fight.

“I am working and making dinners. I am being of use again,” her voice is forced,” and I’m decorating your place. Is it bad that I’m glad something else terrible happened, so I can focus on it?”

“No, that’s normal.”

“I mean, I’m not glad you’re suffering--”

“I know. I know. I was so busy dealing with the breakup logistics, getting a new place, and getting used to the new hospital that--I get it.”

He holds her hand.

“You’re gonna be okay.”

She can only hope so.

Kayla and Enjolras stay civil for the sake of Camille’s thirteenth birthday party. She can sense there’s tension, but they still give her a nice party. On the weekend, they take her to see _Once_ which she really likes and then out to dinner. She’s just glad to go out as a family again.


	3. iii

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lyrics from "We Can Work It Out" the Stevie Wonder cover. Please leave feedback and enjoy!

_We can work it out_

_Life is very short, and there's no time for fussing and fighting, my friend._

_I have always thought that it's a crime, _

_So I will ask you once again t_ _ry to see it my way_

_Only time will tell if I am right or I am wrong._

Kayla makes good on her promise. She barely sees Noah. Sometimes, he comes in and argues with her about notes like he used to. However, other than that, they only email. It seems Ferre and Enjolras’ weekly lunches have gone down to every two weeks. Enjolras doesn’t know he’s juggling the off weeks with Éponine, but Kayla does. She starts inviting him to lunch when Harper is too busy. Once Camille helps Ferre find an orange cat which he names Ziggy, she seems a little warmer to him. Kayla reminds him it’s just going to take time. Even though the breakup is awkward, Kayla can see Combeferre finally coming out from under his cloud. She’s happy for him.

Kayla walks up to Combeferre in the hospital cafeteria. He’s chatting with a pretty black woman. She’s got black hair and beautiful brown eyes. She’s very pretty.

“Kay, this is Dr. Tessa Wright. Tessa, this is Kayla,” he grins.

“Hello, I’ve heard so much about you,” she has a warm smile.

“Hi, I wish I could say the same,” Kayla shakes her hand.

“She trained me,” Combeferre keeps smiling.

“He was an easy person to train. And so good with children,” Tessa smiles. She’s rather stunning.

“She’s like my only friend here and we’re in the same unit, so we spend a lot of time together,” Combeferre explains.

Kayla sees immediately that Tessa and Combeferre are attracted to each other.

“I don’t mean to be forward. Ferre told me about your daughter. I’m so very sorry,” Tessa looks directly into Kayla’s eyes. She’s absolutely sincere.

“Thank you,” Kayla blinks back tears. “So, um, you talked about that then?” she tucks her hair behind her ear.

“I’ve been on the doctor’s side of SIDS before. I can’t imagine what you must be going through,” Tessa says.

“Yeah, Tess is a great listener. She could tell something was wrong,” Combeferre nods.

“I didn’t really do anything. I just referred him to the person I talked to when it happened to me,” Tessa explains.

Kayla smiles. She seems really nice.

“So your family lives in New York?” Kayla asked.

“Born and raised. My parents live in Queens.”

“That’s pretty cool,” Kayla smiles at her and she returns it immediately.

“So, Ferre, have you read any of _Century_, lately?” Kayla asks.

“No, now that my training is over I can finally get back to it. Please send me the columns I missed,” he says.

“Well, we have a new columnist.”

“Who?”

“Noah Stein,” she smiles.

“Get out! Really? I love his books.”

“I know you do.”

“He’s so brilliant,” Tessa adds.

“I was reading his first book--well re-reading when Tessa spotted me in the cafeteria.”

“It was one of the first things we talked about.”

“I can ask him to sign your books. I’m sure he would. He’s a really nice guy,” Kayla says.

“Oh, you’ve met him? Is he gorgeous? He seems totally gorgeous on the slip cover,” Tessa laughs.

“Yeah, he’s all right,” Kayla nods.

“Looks more than all right, but you are married,” Tessa laughs.

“Enj told me he was at the funeral. That’s nice for a schoolmate,” Combeferre mentions.

“He’s actually my ex,” Kayla rubs the back of her neck.

“What?” Combeferre and Tessa say in unison.

“In another lifetime,” Kayla goes pink.

“That’s kinda awkward, isn’t it?” Tessa can’t help but laugh.

“It really is, but he’s very professional. My boss was over the moon when we nabbed him. It’s really helped subscriptions,” Kayla explains.

“I’m sure,” Combeferre laughs.

“So do you have to see him all the time?” Tessa asks and snarls her lip. It makes Kayla laugh.

“I don’t really work with him. I just give notes. He’s too busy to actually have an office or anything,” she looks at her water.

“That makes it easier,” Tessa sips her drink.

“But I’m sure if you gave me your books, he’d sign them,” Kayla shrugs.

“Thank you! That would be amazing,” Tessa smiles. She’s very bubbly. It’d be good for Ferre.

They talk for way longer than they should have. Kayla is going to have to rush back to work. She gives Tessa a quick hug. She’s very sweet and easy to talk to. Combeferre walks Kayla to the front of the hospital.

“So, I have something to tell you,” he says.

“You’re into Tessa?” she laughs.

“What? How did you--”

“It’s so obvious.”

“You don’t think it’s too soon?”

“I don’t think there’s really a timeline.”

“She asked me out for tomorrow.”

“Go getter.”

“Yeah.”

“You should go. Be happy.”

Combeferre hugs her.

“Thanks, Kay.”

“You’re welcome. But I really gotta go.”

Kayla rushes off. She doesn’t tell Enjolras or Camille.

The date is fairly simple; dinner, drinks, and walking around Greenwich Village on an autumn night. She laces her fingers with his and he grins at his feet. Combeferre doesn’t stop Tessa when she stands up on her toes to kiss him. She’s so warm and soft. He breathes in her perfume and sighs heavily when she breaks the kiss.

“I’ve been wanting to do that all night,” Tessa smiles.

“Me too,” he grins.

“So, what are you doing tomorrow?” she arches a dark eyebrow.

“Whatever you want to do,” he’s long gone now.

“I’ll text you. We’ll go on an adventure,” she smirks.

Things go very quickly with Tessa after that first date. They see each other at work and constantly afterwards. It doesn’t take long before they’re sleeping together. He feels like a school boy and has to stop himself from pulling her in supply closets. It’s been three weeks when they sign the waiver with HR. Kayla’s the only person he can talk to about it and she’s overjoyed. She suggests dinner with Enjolras and Camille.

The restaurant is decorated for Halloween. They’re a little late when they greet Combeferre in the lobby. Kayla hugs him tightly. It’s a brisk handshake from Enjolras and Camille gives him a light hug. Combeferre shoots Kayla a worried glance and she shakes her head. They follow him to the table and Tessa stands up.

“Everyone, this is Dr. Tessa Wright. Tess, you know Kayla, this is her daughter Camille, and her husband, Enjolras,” he says.

“Nice to meet you finally.”

“I’m sorry, you are?” Enjolras is confused.

“I’m Nicolas’ co-worker and girlfriend, Tessa. I guess more girlfriend before co-worker. Semantics,” she smiles.

“Oh, wow,” Camille’s face immediately sours.

The start of the dinner is very quiet. Kayla is the only one willing to talk to Tessa. Camille and Enjolras glare daggers at Combeferre. Tessa stands up.

“I’m going to use the restroom. Ferre, could you get me a glass of Pinot Noir when she comes back?” Tessa asks.

“Yeah, sure,” Combeferre tries to smile.

“Okay, I am not going to stand for this,” Kayla snaps at her family.

“What? I should be mad at you. You already know her!” Enjolras growls.

“I met her when I was visiting Ferre for lunch. She’s a perfectly nice person that you are both treating like garbage.”

“How could you do this already, Uncle Ferre? You leave Maman and then--”

“I didn’t leave her! She left me!”

“No, she said you had a fight and--”

“I think I know what happened in my own relationship, Camille,” he raises his voice slightly and immediately regrets it.

“Camille! That is not your place--”

“You didn’t see her--how much she cried--how heartbroken she was--you just--”

“Camille!” now Kayla raises her voice.

Camille stops and looks down at the table.

“You want to know what happened? All of the sudden, I came home and she was furious with me. She said a lot of things that I will never tell you. The next day, she apologized, but broke up with me. She gave me my ring back and I left. That’s what happened,” he says firmly.

Camille scans his face for any sign that he’s lying. He isn’t.

“She--she said--”

“I can imagine what she said.”

“I’ve been--I didn’t--I’m sorry,” Camille sighs.

“Now, if neither of you decide to treat Tessa with respect then I will go out to dinner with her myself,” Kayla gets up and leaves.

Tessa looks at herself in the mirror when Kayla comes in.

“Everyone should be much nicer to you now.”

“Oh, I’m sorry.”

“For what? Dating Ferre? Making him happy? Look, there was a time when I was the odd one out and Ferre made me feel welcome. It’ll get better.”

“Can I hug you?”

Tessa wraps her arms around Kayla who smiles and squeezes her tight.

“Come on, let’s go eat dinner.”

The second half of the dinner is much easier. Tessa is a huge fan of theatre and has a lot to discuss with Camille. They part with hugs as Camille, Enjolras, and Kayla get in the cab.

“I can’t believe Maman lied.”

“I think she wanted you on her side and felt it was the easiest way to explain it to you.”

“But--”

“It doesn’t matter now.”

“I was very mean to Uncle Ferre.”

“And now you’re not, I don’t think he’ll hold it against you,” Kayla wraps her arm around her.

Camille falls asleep on the train.

“I just don’t understand why he introduced us to a rebound?” Enjolras says finally.

“Because he really likes her,” Kayla shakes her head. “Frankly, I thought it was creepy that you shared ex-girlfriend and were best friends. That shit only works on a sitcom. If she just blew up on him without any real reason, I think it’s better they find different people.”

Enjolras thinks back to the conversation he had with ‘Ponine before she broke up with Combeferre. He opens his mouth, but then doesn’t say a word.

Éponine contacts Combeferre. She still has some of his things at the apartment. After work, he goes to see her.

“Hi,” she says quietly.

“Hi,” he waits outside her door.

“So, um, I have your things,” she opens the door.

“Thanks,” he walks in and she hands him one box. He never did keep a lot.

“I was hoping we could talk,” she moves over to the couch.

“Sure,” he sits in a different chair.

“I’ve tried dating and I just--it’s not working. I was wondering if we could, maybe, not right away, I just--”

“Éponine.”

“I know, I’m rambling. I’m sorry. I’m trying to say I made a mistake. I drank a lot and I wasn’t happy, so I thought you were the problem. I was wrong.”

“Éponine, we can’t--”

“I know. But maybe after some--”

“I’m _with _someone, Éponine,” he sighs.

Éponine blanches at him. She feels sick.

“You’re what?”

“She works at the hospital. It happened really fast. Her name is Tessa.”

“I can’t even _date_.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Come on? You have a hookup?”

“She’s not a hookup.”

“But she’s your rebound! Let me guess, she’s short and black, like me,” she dives her hand into his back pocket and pulls out his phone. A very pretty black woman is his lock screen photo. She laughs. Combeferre takes his phone back.

“She’s not like you and she’s not a rebound,” Combeferre takes a moment.

“Do you love her?”

“You have no right to ask me that. I loved _you,_ Éponine. But you gave me the ring back. You broke up with me.”

“Just get your shit and get out.”

“I didn’t mean to hurt you, Éponine.”

“Get. Out!”

Combeferre picks up the box and walks out. Éponine kicks the couch. She pulls out her phone and dials.

“Hey, you still in the city? Can you meet up?”

Éponine goes to one of the bars near her place. She has a drink before Enjolras walks in.

“Ép?”

“Yeah.”

“Why did you tell us that Ferre broke up with you?”

“What?”

“He told us you did it after we talked that night.”

“Well,” she pulls back from him,” I was so shattered. I thought if you knew I did it—you wouldn’t help me.”

“You know we’ll always support you. You’re the mother of my child. I’m so sorry. I didn’t know how to tell you about Tessa. I didn’t want to hurt you,” he sighs and wraps his arms around her.

“I’m so lucky to have you as my friend,” Éponine rests her head on his shoulder as he rubs her back.

Kayla walks out of the subway station when she hears her name. It’s Combeferre and he doesn’t look good.

“Hey,” she rushes over to him.

“Hey,” he sighs.

“What happened? You look like you were hit by a bus.”

“I saw Éponine.”

“Shit. How did that go?”

“Not well. I just dropped my stuff back at my apartment.

Kayla gives Combeferre her hand.

“Well, c’mon, walk with me. Tell me what happened.”

They end up in a cafe and order some tea. He slides the protective cardboard up and down the cup. Kayla grabs his wrist.

“Dude…”

“She said she wanted to get back together.”

“But I thought it was over?”

“So did I.”

“So, what did she say? About you and Tessa?”

“She thinks Tess is a rebound. She said she made a mistake and when she couldn’t fix it she just got mad. It’s like she forgot how she wanted a long engagement with no wedding date and that she broke it off. I can’t believe she told Cam and Enj that I just left her.”

“Well, she was upset and she needed people to be upset with her. She was devastated.”

“I had this cloud hanging over me and Tessa was the first thing that made me feel like it was gonna be okay.But of course, immediately I started thinking about everyone else. What would they think?”

“That’s why you didn’t go out with her right away.”

“But I wanted to. I just knew. It’s like a stupid movie. I just met her and I don’t know how to explain it. I’ve_ never_ felt like this before.” 

“I’m happy for you, Ferre. Just give it time,” Kayla gives him a hug.

“Thanks, Kay,” Combeferre sighs and pulls back.

The next day, Kayla goes up to the roof on her lunch to smoke. She promises to herself she’ll stop by Christmas. She looks at her watch. She has another ten minutes.

“Hey.”

“Dammit, Noah,” she stubs out the cigarette. “Stop scaring the shit out of me.”

“Sorry,” he approaches her slowly. “Look, are we okay? You kinda avoid me like the plague,” he scratches his face.

“I know,” Kayla sighs and finally looks at him.

“What’s up?” he looks at her.

“It’s my husband. He’s worried about…trouble.”

“I don’t hook up with married women, Kales.”

Kayla takes a deep breath.

“It’s not you. Look, you can’t tell anyone this,” she looks away from him.

“Okay, cross my heart.”

“He cheated on me. Last year with his ex-wife. So he’s just worried if we spend time together, the same thing is gonna happen.”

“Well, it’s not.”

The stern tone in his voice makes her look at him. Pain strains his face.

“Since we’re sharing secrets, the reason I got divorced is because Claire cheated on me. I wouldn’t wish that on anybody,” Noah places his hand on her shoulder.

“He just thought--the funeral--”

“I came because you were my best friend and you lost your baby.”

“I know,” Kayla’s voice trembles. “It’s so stupid.”

“What is?”

“Me. You know I didn’t want kids. I thought Cam was enough. And then my dad died and Enjolras was so great. When I found out, we didn’t tell anyone right away in case something happened.She came early and I had some rupture in the delivery, but she was perfectly healthy. I made sure. I loved her instantly. She was so perfect and she was _mine_. I was so careful. I did everything right. Then she was just gone. They said she suffocated. She suffocated and her mom didn’t know. _I_ didn’t know,” the tears stream down her face.

“That doesn’t make you stupid.”

“It does though. I only had her for 8 weeks. And everyone is wondering why isn’t she okay yet?My friend Ferre, he was her doctor and he’s okay now. He’s better. Enjolras is getting better. Cam is getting better, but I’m just stuck.”

“You’re allowed to be stuck, Kales. You just told me that your husband cheated on you, then you found out your dad died, and then your baby died? One is enough to fuck someone up, but all of them? In under two years?” his voice cracks a little and she sees tears in his green eyes. “It doesn’t mean it goes away. You always keep your head down and trudge forward. You can’t do that this time. You might need some more help. Like professional help and there’s nothing wrong with that,” he takes her hands in his.

She looks away from him again.

“We haven’t talked in years.”

“Am I wrong?”

“You’re the worst,” she laughs dryly and wipes her eyes.

“C’mere,” he wraps his arms around her.

Kayla cries for a while since she can’t do it at home. She pulls back and wipes her eyes.

“I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you too.”

Kayla hugs him again. He pulls back and rests his hands on her shoulders.

“You smell like a fucking ashtray. God, it’s terrible. I don’t think I noticed before cause I smelled like a fucking ashtray.”

Kayla laughs loudly. She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath.

“But I’m not—I know you won’t—and we won’t— but I need to say this. Just to say it. I love my husband, but I miss your friendship. Is that okay?”

“I think it is. You just gotta tell your husband what you told me.”

“You’re so smart. It’s stupid.”

“You’re mature.”

Kayla laughs and looks down at the pavement.

“I have your notes. None of the conference rooms are open today though. ”

“Then we’ll go out.”

Kayla goes to a restaurant with Noah with his notes. Of course, he disagrees with her about the tiniest details. He’s impossible, but it was a good day. When she gets home, she knows she has to tell Enjolras. If she doesn’t, it’ll look like she’s hiding something. She uses Camille’s play practice as a chance to talk to him alone.

“How was work?” he opens a bottle of wine.

“Good. I had to give Noah his notes today,” she grabs the glasses.

“Another email?” he pours the wine.

“No, he came in. We went to lunch,” she looks down.

“Why?” he sets the bottle down.

“There wasn’t room at the office. Look, I’m friends with Ferre—”

“You didn’t spend three years fucking Ferre.”

“What about Éponine?”

“That’s ancient history.”

“But it isn’t. You go to the movies with her? You hung out with her last night? You said ‘we’re only gonna talk about Cam. We won’t do anything without you there’,” she snaps and finishes her glass in big gulps.

“And then shit happened! My child died! She’s my friend. I can’t have a friend?”

Kayla sets the glass down so fast she’s surprised it doesn’t break.

“No! Not when you punish me for wanting the same thing. I have to keep someone who helped me through a lot of shit at arm’s length because you fucked up? Noah is my friend and I need a friend because you won’t talk to me!” Kayla starts to cry.

“I can’t talk to you when you’re like this!” he throws his hands up.

“Gabriel, your wife is a human being. You have to deal with that! Why don’t you want to listen to me? You’re my husband. You know exactly what I’m going through and you push me away.”

“We went to the therapist. You know how I feel. You’re mad that I’m coming to terms with it and you just wanna wallow!”

“I’m not wallowing. I just don’t know how to switch it off like you and it kills me. I wish I could! But I feel responsible and stupid for letting her die.”

“You didn’t--”

“I’m her mother and I wasn’t there!”

“Yeah, I was her dad. It just happened. It doesn’t mean I have to torture myself over it. We can try again.”

“I can’t go through that again. The doctors said—” the tears won’t stop.

“Doctors can be wrong.

“I could’ve died. Did you forget?”

“I can’t deal with this,” Enjolras walks away from her.

Enjolras spends the night in the guest room and in the morning, Kayla doesn’t make any attempt to talk to him. Instead, she just goes to work. Angie, her boss, calls her into her office.

“So the Stein column is really doing well. You two are a good team,” Angie tells her.

“Thanks.” Kayla stands there for a while, but doesn’t talk,”Look, Angie, I know this is weird cause you’re my boss, but I was wondering do you know any good therapists?”

“Yeah, I know a couple. I’ll give their cards to you. I hope this helps and honestly, if you have to work it into your schedule, I won’t mind. Just tell me,”Angie says.

“Thanks,” Kayla smiles.

Kayla ends up making an appointment with Dr. Ingrid Altman after work on Friday. Her office is nice and the front desk people are friendly. Kayla feels weird filling out all the paperwork and checking the different boxes. The first part of the session is awkward tellinga stranger what happened, but she listens. Kayla can’t help but cry a few times. She’s glad the office has lots of tissues.

“I think everyone is getting sick of me crying all the time,” Kayla shifts in her seat.

“Well, I hope that isn’t the case. It sounds like you’ve been through a lot,” she asks.

“Yeah, a lot’s been going on,” Kayla sighs. It’s weird to talk to someone without a fight.

“I do have some ideas I’d like to discuss with you. I think we should definitely see each other at least two times a weekI know you said you went to a marriage counselor. Is that current?”

“We went after he cheated and then I got pregnant, so we stopped and then we went back for a little after Sophie died.”

“Okay. Have you tried any support groups?”

“I wanted to, but he didn’t want to go.”

“Why didn’t you go?”

“I don’t...I don’t know, I guess I didn’t think I could...by myself...”

“It sounds like you haven’t actually had a chance to memorialize Sophie. Say a proper goodbye. A funeral is so sudden and expected, but it’s not always saying goodbye. I think you should try the Annual SIDS Memorial in Central Park. It’s next week. It’s a beautiful service and they have groups there. It might be a good way to get information without committing. You can leave at any time. Do you think he’d go?”

“I’m not sure, but that sounds nice.”

“Would your step-daughter go?”

“Yeah. What else were you thinking?”

“I know you said you weren’t sleeping, so I’d like to get you on something to sleep. I know this might upset you, but I think you need to be on some short term antidepressants.”

“Great, now they’ll have something to point at me and say that’s what’s wrong,” Kayla laughs dryly.

“Kayla, there’s nothing wrong with you. I think you’ve had a very traumatic experience and you just haven’t been able to get the help you need. You said you were a writer, right?”

“Yeah, I have a column at _Century_,” Kayla explains.

“Have you ever written about Sophie?”

“Oh no, people don’t want to read about that. My column is never super personal.”

“You’d be surprised.”

Kayla looks at the clock. “Well, thanks I guess. I’ll make the appointments at the front.”

Dr. Altman gets up and shakes Kayla’s hand. “It was nice meeting you.”

“It was great meeting you, Kayla.”

Kayla picks up her prescription at the pharmacy. Enjolras still isn’t talking to her when she gets home. She’s glad Camille is busy so she doesn’t have to be around this. Kayla makes herself some soup and sits in the living room.

“You busy?” Enjolras hangs in the doorway.

“No, just checking email,” she shuts her laptop and looks at him.

“I’m sorry, Kay,” he comes to her. “I shouldn’t have been such an ass.”

“Then why were you?” Kayla stands up and he hugs her.

“I’m just afraid to lose you.”

“You have me. I’m not going anywhere,” Kayla sighs.

Enjolras kisses the top of her head and pulls back.

“So why’d you come home so late?”

“I had an appointment with a shrink.”

“Oh?”

“She was really nice. I really liked her.”

“What did she say?”

“She said I’m depressed and I got some meds. There’s a SIDS Memorial Thing. Next week and she wants me to go. I think we should all go as a family.”

“Okay. If you think it’ll help.”

“Really?” Kayla’s so happy she kisses him.

Enjolras returns it and tangles his hand in her hair. She sighs heavily and is surprised when he pulls back.

“What made you wanna go to the shrink?”

“Um,” Kayla takes a deep breath,” Noah suggested it. Kinda.”

“Hm,” Enjolras looks back.

“He just wanted to help,” Kayla starts.

“No—it’s not—I just feel stupid for not—it’s okay,” Enjolras smiles at her. “He sounds like a good friend and I trust you. I mean, you trust me, right?”

“Yes, completely,” Kayla says almost instantly.

“I love you,” Enjolras kisses her neck.

In a blur, they end up in bed and have to scramble when they hear Camille downstairs. Enjolras gets dressed the fastest and greets Camille downstairs. They tell Camille about the service and she thinks it’s a beautiful idea.

The memorial is on a Saturday morning. Donned in zip up fleeces, Camille, Enjolras, and Kayla make their way to Central Park. There’s a tall woman with strawberry blonde hair at the tables with a name tag that says “Rachel”.

“Hi, um, Rachel. The Enjolras family. My therapist, Dr. Ingrid Altman registered us. It was last minute,” Kayla explains.

“Can you spell that?” Rachel asks.

“Yeah, sorry. E-N-J-O-L-R-A-S,” Kayla smiles.

“Here are your name tags,” she hands her the paper,” if you would like to participate in the memorial service, please take this paper flower and write your child’s name on it. They will be putting them in the fountain around 11. If you have any questions, all helpers are wearing these purple ribbons on our jackets. You are welcome to leave at any time if you do feel overwhelmed. There’s no judgment here. If you feel compelled to talk about your experience, our foundation holds weekly support meetings.”

“Thank you.”

“I’m very sorry for your loss,” she says sincerely.

“Do you have a pen?” Kayla asks

Rachel hands her a pen. Kayla writes Sophie’s name on one of the petals. She takes a deep breath. She reminds herself not to hold up the line, so she sets the pen down. Kayla has to catch up to Enjolras and Camille who already started walking. They walk to the fountain and see many people gathered. Kayla steps in front of the fountain. Camille puts her hand on her shoulder and Enjolras touches her back. She starts to cry.

“Sophie,” Kayla says quietly,” we’re so sorry we didn’t have you for longer. I wish things could’ve been different. We’ll always love you.”

Kayla places the flower in the water. It floats away and gathers by the other flowers. Enjolras and Camille hug Kayla as she cries. The ride home is quiet. Once they get inside, Kayla goes upstairs to the office. Everything she wanted to ever say about Sophie just comes pouring out of her. Camille comes to check on her after a few hours. Kayla decides to stop and watch a movie.Enjolras orders a pizza. Kayla feels a little lighter if only for a moment especially as Brinkley joins them on the couch. He showers Camille in kisses and Kayla’s heart soars.

In the morning, Kayla looks at her phone.She sees an email from Noah titled “Hanukkah Party?”

_Hi Kales,_

_Ma is having her usual party but earlier than actual Hanukkah since it’s on Christmas Eve this year and she wanted me to extend an invite. Your husband and stepdaughter (I forgot their names because I’m a bad person) are obviously invited. Let me know before Thanksgiving. Where the fuck has this year gone, huh? I can’t wait for it to be over._

_-Noah_

Kayla sighs and looks at what she wrote.

_Noah,_

_Thank her for me. I’ll ask. Enjolras and Camille. Not that I expect you to remember. I don’t know, but I’m looking forward to January._

_-Kayla_

She rereads the email about four times. There’s nothing in here that she wouldn’t send to Harper or Combeferre or anyone else. Why can’t she have this? Autumn and Eli are still in California. Harper is really the only girlfriend she has in the city. Why can’t she have friends? She hits send.

Enjolras starts spending longer hours at the office or at home upstairs in his office. He only comes back in time for dinner twice that week.

It starts a trend, and he hasn’t spoken to her much. She doesn’t know why, but she doesn’t want to press it. The memorial was a big moment.

Thanksgiving comes and Kayla is running around the house trying to get ready. Last year’s Thanksgiving was so much better. She was pregnant, but they hadn’t told anyone. There was so much hope.Camille helps with the pies and the side dishes. They both clean the house. Autumn and Eli arrive first. They immediately help. Combeferre and Tessa arrive with a pumpkin cheesecake she made. Camille takes a poke at the icing and immediately asks for a recipe. At first, Ferre wanted to skip it, but Kayla wouldn’t let him. Tessa was important to him and she deserved to be there. Enjolras comes downstairs and serves drinks. He’s polite to the guests, but not particularly warm. Harper arrives before Courfeyrac. They’re pleasant with each other, but that’s about it. Éponine arrives last. She doesn’t acknowledge Combeferre and Tessa besides a wave. Ferre didn’t expect more than that. Enjolras gets her a drink right away. Kayla tries to talk to Enjolras, but he suggests a game. They decide on Pictionary. Kayla has to finish cooking. Camille makes a group with her parents, so her maman isn’t alone. Everyone is laughing while Kayla hides in the kitchen. Her phone rings.

“Hello?”

“Happy Thanksgiving, Kayla.”

“Happy Thanksgiving, Rebecca,” she hasn’t heard her voice in years.

“Noah gave me your number. How are you?”

“Oh, I’m okay. Just busy cooking.”

“You cook now? I remember your burnt crescent rolls.”

Kayla can’t help but laugh.

“Noah says you’re coming to the party. That’s great.”

“Thank you for inviting us.”

“You were always welcome in my home.”

There’s a long silence before Rebecca speaks again. Kayla blinks away her tears.

“I’m so sorry that it took a funeral for us to reconnect. I don’t know if I ever told you, but I had two miscarriages before I had Noah.”

“No, you never told me that,” Kayla grips the counter because her legs feel unsteady.

“I felt so terrible and like such a failure. And greedy at the same time. I already had two beautiful girls, why did I need any more?”

“When did that feeling go away?”

“I had to try two different shrinks and a new rabbi, but I had to appreciate what I had and learn that God has different plans for all of us.”

“Yeah.”

“It’ll get better, love. It always does.”

“Thank you, Rebecca.”

“Any time, darling. I’ll let you get back to cooking. Have a great Thanksgiving.”

“Have a great Thanksgiving, Rebecca.”

Kayla hangs up the phone. She’s glad Rebecca called. She was the closest thing she ever had to a mother. She sighs and finishes dinner.

At the table, it’s strained and awkward, but Camille does a good job of balancing her attention between Combeferre, Tessa, and her maman. Everyone keeps things pleasant.Brinkley does a good job of breaking tension with his wagging tail and happy face. Autumn and Harper start on the dishes and Tessa comes to join them.

“Have you seen Kayla since we ate?” Autumn asks.

“No, I haven’t,” Tessa says.

Autumn wipes her hands on a towel and walks upstairs. She looks around in the different rooms and doesn’t see her. She opens the door to the bathroom in the master bedroom and Kayla is crying in the tub.

“Aw, babe,” she hugs her.

“I’m losing him, Autumn,” she cries.

“Who? Enjolras? No. He loves you,” Autumn rubs her back.

“I don’t know how to fix it. Every time I think it’s getting better, something happens.”

“No, it’s gonna be okay. I know it.”

Autumn gets in the tub and holds her for a while. Kayla doesn’t know how to tell her he’s ignoring her. She stays quiet. Autumn rubs her back and gets up. When she returns, Enjolras gets on the floor and Autumn walks out.

“C’mon, let’s get up,” he lifts her to her feet.

“Enjolras, you--”

“I know. It’s a holiday. It’s hard on everyone,” he hugs her.

“I know how you get--you get tunnel vision and you--I wanna be there for you--I’m here…”

Enjolras doesn’t understand what she’s saying. “We’re getting better, right? Things are gonna be fine, right?”

“I guess. I--”

“Enjolras! Are we gonna finish this game or what?” Courfeyrac calls.

“Coming!” Enjolras yells back. “C’mon, Kay, let’s go.”

“But I—”

“Kay, we’re fine. We are.”

Kayla wipes her eyes and goes downstairs with him.

They finish up the games and Courfeyrac wins with Combeferre and Tessa on his team. She’s excellent at charades. When the food cools, Tessa helps Kayla dole out leftovers. Goodbyes are said with polite handshakes or hugs.After saying goodnight to everyone, Camille is exhausted and goes to bed immediately.

When Enjolras climbs into bed, Kayla leans over and kisses him. He breaks it immediately.She kisses him again and places her hand on his stomach.

“I’m not in the mood, Kay. I’m so tired. Long day, you know?”

“Yeah, okay,” Kayla pulls back.

“Good night,” he shuts off the light.

“Good night.”

Kayla keeps going to her therapist and it helps. She suggests trying to get back into the romantic side of her marriage. She suggests dinners, movies, anything to get them out of the house. She points out they were too bogged down to celebrate their anniversary, so she suggests something nice. Enjolras tells her he’s swamped at work, but they will do something soon. When she tries to get him to come to the Hanukkah party, he has a big case to prepare for, so Camille comes.

They take the subway to Brooklyn and Kayla looks down at Google Maps for the address.

“They’ve moved,” she tells Camille.

They walk down the streets. Camille’s never been to Brooklyn.

“This is really nice,” she smiles.

“Yeah, it’s not as crazy as Midtown,” Kayla comments.

They stop in front of a beautiful old brownstone and Kayla jumps up the steps. Her heart is beating in her chest and she feels sick.

“Maybe we should go home,” Kayla looks at Camille.

“No, it’ll be fun. Noah was nice and I’ve never been to a Hanukkah party,” Camille knocks on the door.

“Kayla, darling. Happy Hanukkah,” Rebecca opens it and smiles immediately.

“Happy Hanukkah,” Kayla can’t help it. She hugs her. She’s wearing the same perfume, Chanel Number 5.

“I’m so glad you came. Where is your husband?” she pulls back and looks around.

“He couldn’t make it. Busy lawyer stuff, but this is my step-daughter, Camille,” Kayla tells her.

“Oh, you are a beauty,” Rebecca smiles and gives her a hug.

“Thank you and thank you for inviting us,” Camille says with a smile. She shows her the flowers she’d been holding and Kayla hands off the wine.

“That is so kind of you girls. Let me put this in the kitchen, follow me,” Rebecca smiles.

Her place is gorgeous with lots of floor space and two floors. There’s pictures of her children of all different ages on the walls, her grandchildren, the same photo of Noah and Rebecca laughing on the red carpet, and tasteful artwork.

“When did you move?” Kayla asks.

“My son, the famous writer, bought me expensive New York real estate when he topped the Times Bestseller List for three months,” Rebecca says proudly. “Much to the chagrin of his horrible ex-wife.”

Kayla and Camille laugh.

“Girls, look who is here,” Rebecca calls.

They follow Rebecca into the kitchen. It’s huge and completely modern. Noah’s sisters are beautiful as ever. A little girl is hanging on Leah’s ankle. Illana holds a baby boy in her arms and keeps a safe distance.

“Oh my God, Kayla!” Leah rushes over and hugs her. “You look amazing.”

“So do you!” Kayla pulls back. “Hey, Illana.”

“Hi, Kayla,” she gives a polite smile. Rebecca would never allow her to be outwardly rude.

“This is Camille. My step-daughter.”

“It’s nice to meet you, Camille. I’m Leah. This is Lily. That’s my sister, Illana and her son, David,” Sarah explains.

“It’s nice to meet you all. Happy Hanukkah.”

There’s murmurs of Happy Hanukkah back to her. The house is filled with Rebecca’s friends and family. There’s latkes on the table and a menorah in the living room. Noah comes down the stairs.

“I had to find my Yarmulke. Ma’s orders,” Noah points to his head. “Nice to see you, Kales, and Camille. It’s Camille, right?”

“Yes, it is. You remembered,” Camille smiles a little too wide. “So what’s with the beard?” she points to his face.

“Oh, No-Shave November for Cancer Awareness. Ma says I still have to get haircuts, but I can do the beard,” he smiles.

“That’s so kind of you,” Camille touches her hair.

“Thanks,” Noah looks at Kayla,” Where’s your husband?” Noah asks

“He’s working,” Kayla tells him.

“We’re just gonna have to have fun without him,” Noah shrugs.

With lots of good food and conversation, that’s exactly what they do. Camille gets along with everyone and seems very fascinated with Jewish culture. Rebecca is happy to teach her. Kayla grabs some of the dishes and is about to go in the kitchen when she hears Noah talking with Illana.

“I just don’t understand you! She _broke_ your heart. Did you forget that?”

“No, I didn’t forget, okay?”

“I’m not gonna let her do it again. Not to _my_ baby brother,” she snaps.

“What was I supposed to do? Eli told me her baby _died_.”

“And that’s very sad, but you don’t have to invite her to Ma’s party!”

“_I_ didn’t. Ma invited her.”

“Oh and you’re just suffering.”

“She was my best friend before we were anything else.”

“I know, but I also know how you were with her. Okay? It’s not like Claire.”

“If we’re talking about heartbreak here in my romantic history, Claire fucked me over. Never coming home. ‘Working’ all the time. Never talking to me. I was a wreck.”

“I know which is why I don’t--”

“Kayla _never_ did that to me. She was still in school and didn’t want to move. We broke up.Remember me then? I didn’t talk to you, Leah, or Ma. Partying all the time. Kayla would’ve left me immediately.”

“Have you talked to her about that?”

“We talk about work. She’s fucking married, Illana. I don’t see her like that. What would be the point?” he seethes.

“Oh, you’re such a doll. Let me help you,”Rebecca sees Kayla by the door and grabs some of the dishes out of Kayla’s hands.

The kitchen doors swing open and Illana moves away from Noah.

“Are you two going to be of any use? Our guest is collecting dirty dishes,” Rebecca glares at the two of them.

Illana gives Noah a look and walks out.

“I’ll do the dishes, Ma,” Noah tells her.

“Good,” Rebecca smiles and walks out.

“I can dry,” Kayla says meekly.

“Did you hear my embarrassingly loud argument with my sister about you?” Noah sighs and turns on the water.

“A little bit,” Kayla sighs.

“You were always too honest,” Noah laughs.

“I’m sorry--I didn’t mean to--”

“I know.”

“I agree with you, by the way. I think we’re better as friends.”

“Yeah, me too.”

“And I’m sorry I hurt you and I’m sorry Claire hurt you.”

“Yeah, well, at least we had a prenup,” he hands her a dish.

She puts the dish on the counter.

“Really. It wasn’t easy for me to leave you. I’m sorry. Those first three months you moved out there, we barely talked and I could just see you didn’t have time for me. You were so wrapped up in your success. I just didn’t want it to end badly.”

“You were right. I wouldn’t have been able to see it. I would’ve resented you,” he looks right at her.

“I would’ve hated that,” Kayla sighs.

“Me too.”

Noah takes a deep breath and hugs her. She pulls back after a moment.

“Good talk, Stein.”

“Any time, Wu. Uh, Wu-Enjolras.”

Kayla laughs.

“So why does your husband go by his last name?”

“His friends just do that. It’s weird.”

“Yeah, it kinda is.”

Noah smiles and they finish the dishes.

Around 8:30, Kayla says they should go even though Camille wants to stay forever. They give their goodbyes and Rebecca gives Kayla a long hug.

“You two are welcome in my house, any time,” she says.

“Aw, thank you, Rebecca,” Kayla relaxes in her arms.

Rebecca pulls away to give Camille a hug.

“You, darling, are an absolute gem. It was a pleasure to meet you.”

“This was so great! Thank you,” Camille smiles.

“I’ll see you Monday,” Noah tells Kayla.

“To throw my notes in the trash? Great,” she laughs.

Noah gives her a quick hug.

“Goodnight.”

“Night.”

He gives one to Camille who hugs him back a little tight. It’s not lost on Kayla and Rebecca who share a look. By the time they get back home, Enjolras is in bed and they follow suit.

The rest of December moves by too fast as it always does. Camille begs them not to cancel their annual Christmas party, so they don’t. Kayla invites Noah and Rebecca as a thank you for the Hanukkah party, but only Noah makes it. Graintaire and Courfeyrac can’t make it, but autumn and Eli fly in for the holiday. Noah quickly becomes the life of the party with Camille’s karaoke machine. He sings a Disney princess song and makes her laugh. Brinkley wags his tail and barks at Camille’s side.

“Don’t worry, buddy, I’m making her laugh,” Noah pets the top of his head.

The doorbell rings and Kayla answers it.

“I’m sorry we’re late,” Tessa says.

“Oh, don’t worry about,” Kayla hugs her. “Cam, your Uncle Ferre is here with Tessa!” she calls out.

Noah and Camille put down the microphones and walk over.

“Oh my God!” Tessa and Combeferre shout. “You’re Noah Stein!”

“Yeah,” Noah laughs at the look on their faces.

“Uh, yeah, guys, this is Noah. Noah this is Tessa and Combeferre.”

“Nice to meet you,” he puts his hand out.

Combeferre shakes it and then Tessa does.

“Thank you for signing our books.”

“Pleasure’s all mine. I’m glad you like them.”

“Like them? We love them!” Tessa laughs.

“Nice to see you guys,” Camille says.

“Oh, I made you this,” Tessa hands her a handmade card.

“This is beautiful!” Camille hugs her.

“Now, Cam, we have some Taylor Swift to sing,” Noah says and takes her hand.

“Karaoke? I’m down!” Tessa says.

After about an hour of karaoke, they switch over to playing music. The doorbell rings and Enjolras goes to answer it. It’s Éponine.

“I figured I’d come when no one would notice,” she says.

“Let me get you a drink,” Enjolras takes her coat and puts it away.

She follows him to the kitchen and he makes her drink. A slow song is playing and Combeferre is dancing with Tessa. Éponine downs her drink.

“Why don’t we get some air?” Enjolras hands her another drink and she follows him outside.

“Enjolras! Dance with me!” Kayla looks around and doesn’t see him.

Everyone is already dancing, so she just moves to the middle of the living room by herself. She starts dancing and is pulled into a spin by Noah.

“You look ridiculous dancing by yourself,” he teases.

“God, thanks then,” she laughs.

Camille comes in from the kitchen and Noah extends his other hand.

“C’mon, we can do this,” he tells her.

Camille bursts out laughing before giving him her hand. He spins both of them and they roll back into him. Kayla pushes him away and takes Camille in her arms.

“Shafted, I see,” Noah smirks.

“Not yet,” Camille pushes Kayla over to Noah.

Noah catches her and spins her out.

“I think that’s the only move you know,” Kayla laughs.

“I can do this,” Noah dips her.

Their eyes meet. Her heart is hammering in her chest. He pulls her up and she lets out the breath she’d been holding.

“Woo! So much dancing,” Kayla wipes her forehead.

“Yeah, definitely. Maybe we should switch it up,” Noah suggests and looks at Camille.

“Songs? I have my guitar,” Eli walks over to them.

“Of course you do, dude,” Noah laughs.

They start with Christmas carols around the piano. It’s pretty fun.

“Damn, I did not realize that “The Twelve Days of Christmas” had so many verses,” Noah laughs.

“Everyone just knows 'five golden rings’,” Camille smiles.

Kayla notices how Camille hasn’t left Noah’s side. She shakes her head. To lighten things up, Eli and Noah sing “The Coldest Night of the Year” together. Noah plays the piano while Eli strums his guitar. Everyone is in stitches by the time it’s over.

“You play piano?” Camille asks, delighted and wiping the tears of laughter from her eyes.

“Ma made me take lessons to keep me out of trouble or so she says,” Noah shakes his head.

“Mom, you should do your annual Christmas song with Eli,” Camille

“Oh, babe, that’s not a Christmas song,” Kayla looks at autumn for help.

“But you do it every Christmas!” Camille begs.

“Oh, I think they should do another song. That’s getting boring,” Autumn adds quickly.

“Yeah, I think we should save that one for another time, Cam,” Eli agrees.

“We’re gonna fall asleep if we don’t pick this party up, buddy.” Noah looks at him. He flashes him the number six with his hands.

Eligrins and starts playing a very fast song. Noah matches him on the piano.

“You gotta sing with me, Wu,” Eli smiles.

Kayla sighs and rolls her eyes.

“If this was the old days, she’d get on top of the piano,” Autumn teases.

“I am singing and that is all I’m doing,” Kayla warns. She goes over to Eli and they start singing.

She can’t help it. The rhythm of the familiar song sucks her in. She sways her hips as she sings. Eli moves over to her and they’re back to back as she shimmies. Noah slides his hands down the keys and Kayla jumps. She and Eli face each other now as they dance down to the floor.

“Oh, damn, I love this song,” Harper throws her arms in the air.

“That’s my girl,” Autumn smiles at Kayla.

Camille watches with pride at how happy Kayla is. The song is really fun and about Saturday. She likes it a lot.

“Uncle Ferre? Who is this?”

“Elton John.”

“Oh like _the Lion King_?”

“Yes, the same guy,” Combeferre laughs.

“Here, Cam,” Tessa comes up along side her and shows her the lyrics on her phone.

Combeferre starts clapping with Autumn to keep time as Camille tries to sing along. Kayla takes Camille’s hands and twirls her when Noah’s hands slide down the keys again. Camille laughs loudly as they dance together. Autumn and Tessa dance around Combeferre who finally gives in and moves his head a bit. Brinkley gets excited and runs around the room.

Out on the porch, Enjolras looks back and doesn’t see them in the living room, but hears the muffled sounds of piano, guitar, and clapping. Éponine looks out into the snowy backyard.

"It's beautiful out."

"It's freezing," Enjolras laughs.

"It's still beautiful," she smiles. She sighs and touches his hand. "Thank you, Enj."

Enjolras lets out a slow breath and looks at her hand. "For what?"

"You've been a great friend. It was so hard when Ferre left and you made sure I survived."

"You didn't need me for that. You've always been a survivor."

"Still."

"Well, I should thank you, really. You did the same for me."

"You do seem better," she smiles.

Enjolras looks at her hand again before looking into her eyes. "Because of you."

He takes a step forward and his eyes fall to her lips. Enjolras’ heart skips a beat. Her lips land on his cheek and he shivers.

"You're right. It is cold," she walks back inside. He follows her.

No one really notices as they rejoin the party. They’re too winded from the mini rock concert.

“There’s one about Tony Danza,” Noah grins.

“We have this argument every time. That’s not what it’s about and you know it,” Kayla nearly hits him upside the head.

“Okay, but if you play that one, I may lose it,” Tessa puts her hands up.

“Is that a promise?” Combeferre grins.

Tessa runs away. Harper signals for Autumn to meet her in the kitchen.

“Why didn’t they sing the song? They always do,” Harper asked in a whisper.

“Oh, sorry, I’ll leave,” Tessa is in the middle of getting a drink.

“Oh, you’re fine,” Autumn waves her hand. “It’s not a big secret, but that’s the song that Kayla and Eli were playing when she got off stage and kissed Noah.”

“Oh my God! Like in the book!” Tessa lights up.

“Yeah, Noah kinda borrowed the scene a bit…with permission,” Autumn nods.

“Definitely dodged a bullet there. Good move with the Elton John,” Harpers eyes widen.

“Yeah,” they murmur in agreement.

After the party, Enjolras sleeps with Kayla. It’s too fast and she doesn’t feel like he’s with her. She doesn’t want to argue, so she holds her tongue. He’s asleep before she can ask anything. She sighs and looks up at the ceiling. It’s better than nothing.

Camille spends her last two weeks before Christmas break in the city to get more experience after school. Kayla goes to pick her up after each class since she doesn’t have to work as late as Enjolras.

“So, did you like your classes?” Kayla asks as they sit down on the train.

“Yeah, they have a summer program and the director suggested I apply. I get to go to Los Angeles for three weeks and then the rest of the classes are here in New York. If I make it through the program, I get to audition for the top art high schools in the city,” Camille’s face lights up.

“Well, I definitely think we can make that happen, if you keep up your grades,” she smiles.

“I promise! I promise!”

“I’m so proud of you,” Kayla puts her arm around her.

“Thanks, Mom,” Camille sighs and rests her head on Kayla’s shoulder. They’re quiet for a while watching all the buildings pass them by.

“So, Mom, can I ask you something?”

“Yeah.”

“Don’t get mad, but do you like Noah?”

“Yeah, he’s my friend.”

“No, like…_like _him.”

“Oh,” Kayla nearly laughs. “No, baby. He’s just a good friend.”

“Oh okay. Good. He’s fun.”

“Yeah, he is.”

“Penguin, I would never do that to you or your dad.”

“I just thought—”

“We’re just having a hard time right now because of Sophie. It’ll get better though.”

“Thanks, Mom,” Camille hugs her. 

“Do you…like Noah?” Kayla arches an eyebrow.

Camille bursts out laughing and covers her face.

“I thought so,” Kayla grins.

“I mean, I usually don’t like whiteish boys, but he’s really…hot.”

“He is a good looking whiteish boy,” Kayla nods.

Enjolras works late, so Kayla gets take out for her and Camille. She’s in bed when Kayla approaches Enjolras.

“You know, the therapy is really helping,” Kayla tells him.

“That’s great,” Enjolras’ eyes are on the television.

“Enj, I was hoping—-”

“Babe, I gotta get up early, so I kinda want to wind down.”

“Oh. Right. Yeah, sure.”

Kayla gets up and walks away. At least they’re not fighting.

Right after Christmas, the friends get together since everyone had separate New Year’s plans. It’s a little less awkward than Christmas. Harper and Courfeyrac brought dates and were fine. Graintaire brings his new boyfriend who is shy, but sweet. Kayla doesn’t really know why Éponine has to be there at all since it’s a couples dinner and she wasn’t exactly dating anyone. The conversation gets very static due to her presence and it’s a blessing when it’s over. Kayla collects glasses in the foyer and everyone gathers their coats, when Combeferre and Tessa sneak over to her.

“We have something to tell you,” Tessa smiles.

“What?” Kayla looks between the two of them.

“We’re moving in together,” Combeferre smiles.

“Oh my God! That’s so great!” Kayla hugs him and then Tessa.

“My lease is up after New Year’s and we thought why not?” Tessa laughs.

There’s a scoff and they turn around. Enjolras is helping Éponine with her coat. She glares at Combeferre and walks away. Enjolras follows her to the kitchen.

“Why are they moving so fast?”

“I don’t know.”

Enjolras gives her a hug. She sighs in his arms and then pulls back. They walk back to the front door.

“Have a good night, Kayla,” Éponine sighs.

“You too,” Kayla’s brows come together. She looks at Enjolras after Éponine leaves.

“I always cause trouble,” Combeferre sighs.

“No,” Kayla and Tessa say in unison and then laugh.

“You know, normally, I’d tell her to go to hell and get over my man, but she’s Camille’s mom and Cam’s so important to Ferre that I don’t want to ruffle any feathers,” Tessa shrugs.

“It’s fine. There’s been plenty of times I’ve wanted to tell her to go to hell,” Kayla says honestly and then covers her mouth.

Combeferre raises his eyebrows. Tessa laughs and hugs her.

“I’m so happy for you two,” Kayla smiles.

“Thank you. You’ve been our champion,” Tessa grins.

“You deserve it,” Kayla nods.

Enjolras hears everything, but waits until Tessa and Combeferre leave before he confronts Kayla.

“So how long have you wanted to tell Éponine to ‘go to hell’?”

“Way to eavesdrop,” Kayla scoffs.

“Answer the question.”

“Okay. Since she broke up with Ferre and_ lied _about it. She got you and Cam wrapped around her finger and at least Camille stopped when she knew the truth.”

“And what am I doing?”

“Tessa and Ferre are clearly serious and have been together a while. Éponine broke it off! She has no right to act like this and you’re just enabling her. She’s not this broken little bird. People break up all the time,” Kayla scoffs.

“I think you’re being unfair.”

“Me? Really? Combeferre isn’t hers anymore, okay? She needs to get used to it. But then again, I know how she is about letting go of her exes,” Kayla snaps and walks back to the kitchen. He follows.

“Right she’s the one who’s stuck.”

“Excuse me?”

“I think you’re being a hypocrite. Do you know how bitchy and needy you sound?”

Kayla feels like she’s been slapped. She stumbles back.

“Maybe things are better when we don’t talk.”

She pushes past him and slams the door the guest room.


	4. iv

_And it was like slow motion, standing there in my party dress_

_in red lipstick, with no one to impress_

_And they're all laughing as I'm looking around the room, but there's one thing missing_

On New Year’s Eve, Camille is with her friends. Kayla is excited because Angie is throwing a party in the city and Enjolras agreed to go. Maybe they could start the New Year off right. They mutually agreed not to talk about that last fight. There was no point.

Kayla looks at the mirror. Camille wanted her to wear this silver dress with long sleeves and a high neckline. She thinks she looks good enough. She looks at the clock. They should probably leave soon. Kayla walks down the hallway, heels clicking and pokes her head into Enjolras’ office.

“Hey, babe. Are we heading out?” 

“Uh…” Enjolras turns around and smiles at her “You look great.”

“Thank you. You’re not ready?” Kayla sees his dress pants on, but he’s still in a tank top. 

“I gotta finish this up, but I’ll meet you in the city, okay? I can give you a ride to the train,” he stands up. 

“Um, sure,” Kayla smiles. 

The venue that Angie rented is gorgeous with high ceilings and a crystal chandelier. Kayla feels awkward walking in by herself.Luckily, Harper shines in a black dress with gold accents on the waist and is very easy to find.

“Oh, you look stunning,” Harper smiles.

“So do you,” Kayla hugs her.

Harper squeezes her tight.

“Where’s Enjolras?” Harper pulls back and looks around. 

“He’s on his way.”

“So you came alone?”

“He had to finish up some work.”

“I don’t know how you do it. I couldn’t put up with Courf’s hours,” Harper shakes her head. 

“I’m used to it, I guess,” Kayla shrugs. 

“Let’s go to the bar,” Harper beams.

Harper practically rushes over there and bumps into a guy who was leaning against the bar.It’s Noah.

“Hey, Noah,” Harper gives him a quick hug.

“Hey, you shaved,” Kayla hugs him.

“Yes, I know I kept it for a month longer than I was supposed to,” Noah laughs.

“Well, I think you look fine either way,” Harper grins.

Kayla laughs loudly. 

“So where is your husband?” Noah asks.

“Oh, he said he’d be here in an hour,” Kayla nods. 

Noah hands them two lonely champagne glasses on the bar.

“Thank _you_,” Harper smiles.

“Down girl,” Kayla whispers to her.

“I think we should all dance,” Harper jerks her head over to the group of people in the middle of the ballroom. 

Kayla has a great time dancing and drinking with the two of them. The music is loud and fast. Enjolras finally finishes up his work. He lets Brinkley out before heading to the train. He’s about to get into the cab when he gets a text from Éponine. She has something for Camille and wants to know if he’s still in the city. He texts her back. He can grab it and then go to the party. 

Éponine opens the door right after Enjolras knocks.

“Wow, you’re dressed up,” she laughs.

“Kayla has a work party,” he shrugs.

“Oh, is she downstairs?” she looks past him.

“No, she’s in Midtown.”

“Ah. Well, you look very sharp. I’m definitely not dressed up,” she gestures to her yoga pants and sweater.

“You know you look beautiful in anything.”

She smiles and opens the door wider. He walks in and hands him the book.

“I borrowed it from Cam and I wanted to give it back.”

“Thanks.”

“Do you want a glass of wine or do you have to rush off?”

Enjolras hesitates and looks at his watch. “I can have a glass.”

In the ballroom, Angie walks away from her very attractive boyfriend and over to Kayla. 

“Why are you a single lady tonight?”

“He’s on his way,” Kayla checks her phone. “That was an hour ago.”

“Maybe he decided to drive and he’s stuck in traffic.”

“Yeah…maybe.”

“I think you need more dancing,” Noah extends his hand.

“Thanks,” she takes it.

The music changes over to slow classics. 

“We can dance properly,” Kayla mentions, “you were scratching me last time.”

“You delicate flower,” Noah laughs as he sways her.

Harper spies a gorgeous black woman in a grey suit with long braids. The mystery woman smiles at Harper.

“I gotta go,” Harper rushes over to her.

“Yeah, she does,” Noah and Kayla say in unison.

“Hi, I’m Harper,” she extends her hand.

“Molly,” she brings her hand to her lips and Harper melts. 

After three glasses of wine, Enjolras laughs a little too hard and Éponine places her hand on his. He hasn’t laughed like this in a while. Things with Kayla are just so robotic lately. He holds her gaze as he laces her fingers with his. 

“Enj…”

“Ép, I think I’m falling in love with you again…” he caresses her face. 

“I know I am,” she sighs into his touch.

He leans forward and doesn’t think. Their lips meet. His fingers run through her hair sending chills down her body. She wants him so badly. She doesn’t want anything to stop them. She hooks her legs behind his back and he sets her down on the table.His mouth moves down her smooth neck as she unbuckles his belt and he shoves down her yoga pants. Enjolras groans as he enters her. 

“Oh, you feel so good,” he sighs.

“I’ve wanted this for so long,” she gasps as his hand slips between them. 

Their rhythm is uneven and fast. She grips his shoulders and his mind is hazy. Éponine looks at him with those dark eyes and he can feel himself drowning. She cries out his name as her body shakes and he’s soon to follow. He can barely catch his breath before she grabs him by the tie.

“Again. Bedroom.” 

“I’m gonna call my husband,” Kayla says and walks out of the room. Drunk girls bustle past rushing to the bathroom. She holds the phone to her ear and listens to it thrill until she hears his recorded voice. She leans against the wall.

“Hey, Enj. I hope nothing bad happened. I’m here. Call me.”

She walks back in the ballroom and sees the giant clock on the wall. 

“10…9…8…7…6…5…4…3…2…1…Happy New Year!”

Tears stream down her face. Kayla can’t help it. She feels a squeeze on her shoulder. She turns and sees Noah.

“Let’s get you some air.”

She nods and wipes her eyes, smudging her makeup. They get their coats from coatcheck. 

“Where is he?” she says when they’re outside.

New Yorkers open their windows and yell “Happy New Year” at each other.There’s so many people. 

“I can’t breathe,” she puts her hand on her chest. 

“Come on,” Noah takes her hand and leads her to the subway. 

They get on the subway and get off in Greenwich Village. Kayla takes a deep breath. Noah gets stopped by two drunk guys. 

“You’re that hot author! We need a picture!” 

Kayla rushes ahead of him and calls Enjolras getting his voicemail.Her phone rings and it’s Camille.

“Happy New Year, Mom!”

“Happy New Year.”

“What’s wrong?”

“I can’t get a hold of your dad and I’m really worried.”

“He texted me.”

“What?” Kayla tilts her head to the side. 

“Hey, I’m sorry about that,” Noah catches up to her.

“So, sorry, Enjolras texted you?” She holds up a finger.

Noah’s eyes widen.

“Yeah,” Camille says. “Well, I gotta go.”

“Of course, babe. Have fun.”

“Thanks.” 

Kayla pulls out her phone and texts him. She doesn’t get an answer.

“He’s avoiding me? He answers Cam, but not me?” she steps back and falters. 

Kayla’s phone chimes. She looks at it. 

_Something came up. Sorry. Phone dying. See you later. Happy New Year._

“You wanna take a walk?” Noah asks. 

Kayla nods silently. 

They move down the street and see NYU students running down the street in their underwear. It makes Kayla laugh. 

“She can laugh,” Noah smiles. 

“I don’t feel like it,” she sighs. “I would be fine if he just told me he didn’t want to come. I just thought it was gonna be a fresh start.” 

“Maybe he really wanted to come, but couldn’t.” 

“I don’t know. If it has nothing to do with him, he’s not up for it,” she snaps. She shakes her head. She can’t talk that way to Noah. That’s dangerous. “I’m sorry.”

Noah acts like it never happened. Kayla looks at her phone and sees a text from Camille and an alert from the train.

“Fuck.”

“What?”

“That was the last train. Do you have a car?”

“I’m sorry. I don’t.”

“I can’t take a cab. Maybe a hotel,” her heart hammers in her chest.

“The hotel rates are gonna be jacked and probably full.”

“I don’t know…”

“You could stay in my guest room?”

Kayla looks at the pavement on the sidewalk. She doesn’t want to bother Combeferre and Tessa. Harper probably left with that gorgeous woman. She can’t call anyone else.He’s right. Hotels would be so expensive.

“You can take the first train in the morning.”

“Okay.”

They hop on the subway. 

“I miss living in a city. It’s so noisy and busy. I’m not made for the suburbs. I hate driving,” Kayla says as they walk up to his brownstone.

“Yeah, driving sucks,” Noah agrees. 

She walks into his place. It’s beautiful and pretty spacious. There’s old movie posters on the walls and old book covers. 

“Do you want something to drink?”

“I had a lot of champagne.”

“No, I meant water.”

“Oh right. I’m just gonna go to bed, if that’s okay.”

“Yeah, Illana left some pajamas here from when she drinks too much to go home to ConnecticutI think they’re in the closet,” Noah walks into the guest room. She follows him. 

He hands her a set of purple pajamas.

“Thanks.”

“I’m down the hall if you need anything.”

“G’night, Noah,” Kayla nods.

“G’night, Kales,” he leaves.

Kayla lies down on the bed. The pajamas don’t fit quite right, but that doesn’t matter. Illana is much taller than her. She can’t believe this happened. How did she get here? Why didn’t Enjolras just tell her he didn’t want to come? Why make her wait and then leave her here? This wasn’t his usual selfish behavior. Tears well in her eyes and she softly cries herself to sleep. 

In the morning, Kayla wakes up and doesn’t remember where she is. She looks around the unfamiliar room and down at herself in strange pajamas. Right. The sting her chest swells as she remembers how she got here.Kayla looks at her phone. It’s 9 am. She texts Hannah, their babysitter and asks if she get let Brinkley out. She texts her back saying she can.

Enjolras wakes up with Éponine sleeping next to him. She looks stunning as the sun streams on her bare skin. He kisses her neck. She murmurs happily. He moves his mouth down her body until he disappears under the covers. Éponine clutches his blond hair as her hips buck. She moans shamelessly while he works magic with his fingers and tongue. She’s trembling and crying out his name. 

“Hey,” she smiles with a flush face. 

“Hey…”

He looks at the clock.

“Shit..”

“What?”

“I should get back for Camille. She’s coming back from her sleepover at 1.”

“Can’t you have breakfast? I mean…a proper breakfast,” she winks.

“I should really go. But I’ll text you and we’re gonna have dinner this week.”

“I can’t remember waking up this happy.”

Her mouth hovers over his playfully before she kisses him. 

Kayla stands in the hallway trying to figure out where the bathroom is. She awkwardly opens doors until she finds it. She looks terrible. Her makeup is all dried and crusty. She opens the cabinet and sees a wash cloth. She turns on the warm water and wipes it all off. 

She walks into the kitchen and sees Noah at the stove. It’s a huge kitchen with an island and bar stools. She takes a seat.

“Hey, so I made some breakfast. I hope you still eat bacon and eggs. I didn’t want you to waste money getting something at the train station,” he hands her a plate.

Kayla has a wave of déjà vu of when they first had breakfast together and she was terribly hungover. This was her friend, Noah. She doesn’t know if she should tell Enjolras about this though. He’ll probably flip out. Not that he has a right after what he pulled.

“You cook it now,” Kayla points at it.

“Yeah, Claire didn’t cook, so I figured it out. I should’ve anyway,” Noah shrugs.

“It’s actually good,” Kayla laughs. 

Noah bows and sits next to her.

“The next train is an hour if you wanna take it.”

“Yeah, thanks. And thank you…for all of this.”

“Well, we are friends. If I get stranded in Long Island, I will call on you.”

“Deal.”

After they’re done eating, Kayla puts her dress back on and Noah walks her out. He has a beautiful view of Central Park. She wasn’t paying attention last night. 

“You want me to hop on the subway with you to the station?”

“Thanks, but I got it.”

Kayla hugs him and takes a deep breath as his arms wrap around her.

“Thank you again.”

“Not a problem.”

Once Kayla is on the train, she pulls out her phone to let Enjolras know that she’s coming home on the train. He texts her back that he’ll pick her up. She can’t help but fume with anger when she sees his car at the train station.

“Hey.”

Kayla gets into the car and slams the door shut.

“Why didn’t answer me? I thought something happened to you.”

“I’m sorry. I got busy.”

“Busy? Why didn’t you just tell me you didn’t want to go?” she seethes.

“I did want to go. I had more work than I thought. I don’t wanna fight.” 

“You don’t wanna fight? Too bad! You left me!”

“I figured you’d stay with a friend or try to catch the last train.”

“Oh, I did stay with a friend. The only friend who wasn’t busy, _Noah_.”

Thankfully, they’re already in the driveway because Enjolras slams on the breaks. She lurches forward and braces her hands on the dashboard.

“You stayed with your ex-boyfriend all night?”

“I was stranded in New York City on New Year’s fucking Eve!”

“You couldn’t call anyone else?”

“To stay in their house after midnight?”

“You said you were just friends with him. I don’t show up and you jump into his arms?”

“I slept in his guest room.”

Enjolras gets out of the car and walks into the house. Kayla storms after him.

“I let go of Noah a long time ago.”

“Right, that’s why you went to his party and had him over.”

“It was his mother’s party and I brought Cam! You were invited too! And he was invited to a party with _all _our friends. It’s not my fault his mom couldn’t make it. You’re acting like I fucked himor something.” 

“Kayla…”

“I’ve never even looked at anyone else in the five years we’ve been together.” Tears well up in her honey brown eyes. “I thought something terrible happened to you. I started crying at my work party and Noah took me outside. When I finally got a hold of you, I missed the last train. I couldn’t get a hotel room if I tried. He gave me his sister’s fucking pajamas, okay? He slept down the hall. Trust me, I wasn’t fucking anyone. I was crying all night.” 

Enjolras sighs. He knows he really has no right to be upset with her. It’s just the idea of them sleeping under the same roof. He knows how close they were.The kind of close that he came running when her child died. He can’t even fathom a relationship like that. Her sobs pull him out of his thoughts.Brinkley rushes down the stairs from all the yelling and crying. He sits at Kayla’s feet and nudges her with his head.

“I’m sorry,” Enjolras hugs her.

Kayla sighs and pulls back, wiping her eyes.

“I’m gonna change. Can you pick Cam up from her friend’s?”

“Yeah, of course.”

Kayla doesn’t know how to handle the events of New Year’s Eve, so she’s happy when Enjolras isn’t around much. He can’t help himself. It’s night and day. The dread he feels when walking into his home and the rush when walking into Éponine’s. It’s the only time he doesn’t have to pretend. They have dinner at different places far from his work or Kayla’s. Éponine calls for him and he wants to run to her. He finishes work, but makes sure to come by after. He holds her tight against his chest on her couch. “

You’re the only thing that makes me happy,” he sighs.

“Stop it,” Éponine laughs.

“It’s true,” he touches her face. He misses being happy. “I can’t stop thinking about you.”

“I know.”

“I just want to be in this moment for a little while.”

“Je t’aime.”

“Je t’aime.”

When Kayla tells her therapist about New Year’s Eve, Dr. Altman tries to persuade her to press the issue because it was not normal, but she’s too exhausted.She’s always the one trying. If he really wants space, she will give it to him. Maybe he’ll snap out of his weird tunnel vision like always. Noah is kind enough not to bring up New Year’s at work. She doesn’t want to tell anyone about it and it’s clear he didn’t tell Eli or Autumn either. She’s grateful for that. They simply fall back into the rhythm of working together. Fighting over notes. She’s glad it’s not weird between them.

One night, Enjolras asks Kayla to meet him for dinner in the city after work. Things are very complicated. He feels like two people. He’s acting with Kayla and when he’s with Éponine, she’s the only person who exists. She does make him happy, but he doesn’t hate Kayla. It would be easier if he did. He feels bad for her. She doesn’t see it. She keeps thinking that therapy will fix things. She still looks at him with those doe eyes. He doesn’t know how she does it. She’s always been completely devoted to him. She always wants to work it through, but to what end? To get back what they had? Why? They’re not good together anymore. He can’t be suffocated like that all the time. Being unhappy is so exhausting. If only she could just realize it on her own. But then again, he doesn’t really like the idea of her with someone else. The idea of her sleeping feet away from Noah sent him in rage. So, he puts it off. Maybe the answer will come to him with time. He’s on the way to dinner, but feels a tap on his shoulder. It’s Éponine.

“Hey,” she smiles.

His heart skips a beat. 

“Hey.”

“Going home?”

“Not yet.”

She grins wider and he knows right away he won’t be making dinner. 

Kayla sits down at the table. She gets a glass of wine and waits. It’s been thirty minutes and she gets a text.

_Can’t make it. How about Friday?_

She throws her phone down on the table and it sends the vase of thin breadsticks flying towards the table in front of her.

“Oh, I’m so sorry!”

Kayla rushes over and picks them off the ground. The patron turns around. It’s Noah.

“Don’t worry about it. Nothing’s broken.” 

He sets the vase back on the table.

“Did I interrupt your hot date?” she asks and smooths her dress.

“Not quite. She never showed,” he scratches his jaw. 

“That sucks. I’m sorry.”

“Husband on his way?”

“Um,” she clears her throat to repel tears,” no. We’re rescheduling.”

She hates the flash of pity in Noah’s green eyes. 

“This is too weird.”

“Yeah, it’s pretty weird.”

“I think I’m just gonna go home.” 

Noah opens his mouth. He wants to tell her something. He’s been there. Whatever’s happening isn’t good and it’s not going to get better if her husband stays absent. He remembers how many dinners Claire blew off. He also remembers coming home to her fucking her photographer in their bed. He doesn’t want that to happen to Kayla. If he had had some warning, maybe it wouldn’t have been so crushing. 

“Hey, I know it’s not my place—“

“Please, Noah.”

“I just want—“

“I know. I know, but I can’t hear it. Not from you. I know you mean well, but this is my marriage and I’m handling it.” 

“I’m not…I don’t see you like that anymore. I’m your friend.” 

“That’s not what I mean.”

“Then why—“

“Because you don’t know Enjolras. He does this. He gets into these work modes where he blows everyone off. He does an important job and when he’s done, he’s back. That’s how it is.” 

“That’s insane.”

“Hey, that’s my husband. For better or worse.”

“Kayla, you know that’s not right.”

“That’s how it is. It’s just lasting longer than it usually does. If you’re my friend, just trust me. I just need someone to trust me. _Please,_” she’s begging him. 

“Okay.”

“Thank you. I’ll see you at work.”

“Yeah.”

Kayla falls asleep before Enjolras comes home. He looks at her, wondering when she’s going to blow up at him and call him out. She doesn’t wake up when he gets in the bed. She’s quiet in the morning.He doesn’t know what to say as they eat breakfast in silence.

“I’m sorry about dinner—work,” he says finally.

“I figured,” she looks at her mug.

Enjolras kisses her cheek and she gives him a small smile.


	5. v

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lyrics from "Without Me" by Halsey (which is the best and basically the only song from Kayla's POV at this point). Enjoy and please leave feedback!

_And then I got you off your knees_

_Put you right back on your feet_

_Just so you can take advantage of me_

_Tell me how's it feel sittin' up there_

_Feeling so high but too far away to hold me_

_You know I'm the one who put you up there_

_Name in the sky_

_Does it ever get lonely?_

_Thinking you could live without me_

_Thinking you could live without me_

Thankfully, the winter doesn’t last long and summer is on its way. Enjolras can feel Éponine getting tired of sneaking around. It’s been months. He doesn’t tell her that he still has sex with Kayla sometimes. She always starts it. It’s weird like he’s having a one night stand with a stranger who has his last name. It’s not like it was before, so he doesn’t feel the need to tell Éponine. He doesn’t know Kayla clings to the fact they still sleep together as a sign of hope. Kayla thinks can’t be too far gone if he still wants her.Noah stops giving his opinion because he knows she doesn’t want to hear it.All he can do is be her friend.

On a week night, Tessa walks through SoHo to a small sushi place to meet Combeferre for dinner. Across the street, she sees two people tucked under a yellow umbrella. They kiss. She normally doesn’t stare at people on the street, but she recognizes them. 

Combeferre is already at the restaurant when she sits down. 

“You okay?” he asks immediately.

“I’m not sure,” she smiles faintly at how well he can read her.

“Did something happen on your shift?” his blue eyes light up with concern.

“No, um, what’s the deal with Enjolras and Éponine? I know you said they were married and had Camille, but got divorced cause she left or something.They just seem really close,” Tessa tucks her curls behind her ear.

Combeferre pinches the bridge between his eyes.

“Shit! That bad?”

He laughs loudly and his body shakes. She smiles. He has the best laugh.

“They didn’t talk after the divorce and then when he started dating Kayla, she asked if she could be in Cam’s life. He said no until Cam started asking about her. He still avoided her like the plague though. She and I started dating and Cam wanted everyone to get along. Except…” he looks at his wine glass.

“If it’s really bad, you don’t have to tell me,” Tessa reaches for his hand.

“No, I’m fine,” he laces his fingers in between hers. “They got too close and were flirting all the time.”

“So like they do now? Sneaking off to talk at parties?”

“You are very observant, Doctor.”

“I scored very high on that section for my MCATS,” she jokes.

“But no, they were openly flirting and then one night, they almost hooked up and R saw.”

“Shit!” Tessa puts her free hand over her mouth.

“Yeah,” he raises his eyebrows. “Kayla and I met up.We had a moment, but nothing happened. I really don’t see her like that—“ 

“I have eyes. I know. You two are great friends. So obviously, you both took them back because you’re saints and then what?”

“It was good for a while and then Sophie died.Éponine couldn’t handle my grief and I didn’t feel supported by her. We broke up and then I met this gorgeous doctor who swept me off my feet,” he looks in her warm eyes.

“I worked very hard,” she squeezes his hand.

“So…what brought this on?,” he tilts his head.

“I know, I brought it up all weird,”Tessa lets go of his hand,” I think—no I saw them—on the way here.”

“Enjolras andÉponine? In SoHo?” Combeferre stares at her.

“Yeah,” Tessa nods slowly. “They were…”She leans forward. “They were kissing, Ferre.”

His blue eyes widen and he falls back against his chair. His stomach drops and he feels sick.

“You’re sure?”

“Doctor Observant here.”

“Right,” he runs his hand over his beard. He closes his eyes. He can’t believe they would do this again to Camille and Kayla. He can feel the anger burning in his veins.

“I know this is really hard and how much they all mean to you,” Tessa’s soft voice pulls him back.

“I just don’t know—I don’t know what to do,” Combeferre sighs.

“Well, we can think on it,” Tessa takes his hand again.

“They’re going to that stupid orientation in Los Angeles for Cam’s camp. The parents’ weekend and Kayla had to work,” Combeferre sets his jaw.

“Gross,” Tessa wrinkles her nose. “Can you talk to him, maybe? I don’t know how long this has been going on, but they seemed pretty fucking comfortable. I hate someone as kind as Kayla being in the dark like this.”

Combeferre lets out a heavy sigh. She’s right.

Ever since he started dating Tessa, Enjolras didn’t meet up with him as often. Or that’s what Combeferre thought it was.Looking at him from across the table, Combeferre doesn’t recognize this person. He’s checking his phone and obviously uncomfortable.

“Long time, huh?” Combeferre says awkwardly.

“Yeah,” Enjolras nods.

“How’s Kayla?” he asks pointedly.

“Fine,” Enjolras shrugs his shoulders.

“Yeah, she seems to be doing a lot better. Too bad she couldn’t go to LA tomorrow,” he’s obviously fishing and Enjolras is too distracted to even notice.

“Mhmm.”

“Nice of her though to let you and Éponine go together.”

“I guess.”

Combeferre wants to reach over and throttle him. 

“Do you know what she’ll be doing while you’re gone? Besides work?”

Enjolras looks down at his phone again. “I actually gotta cut this short. Reschedule after I come back?”

“Sure,” Combeferre doesn’t hide his annoyance, but Enjolras is already gone. 

Los Angeles is gorgeous and Enjolras wonders why he never moved to California. There’s so much sunlight. Camille is having the time of her life and he’s so proud of her. She’s not hard to find being one of the tallest girls in her group and the most talented. They get to meet with her teachers who have nothing, but praise. It feels so right. When she’s in class, Enjolras andÉponine do the tourist attractions during the day and sleep in the same bed at night. 

“Enj?” Éponine asks from the bathroom.

“Yeah?” Enjolras shrugs on his suit jacket.

She comes out of the bathroom and looks at him while putting her earrings in.

“You’re happy with me, right?”

He gets up and snakes his arm around her. “Of course.”

“I’ve loved this weekend, but when are you gonna tell Kayla?” her dark eyes fix onto his.

“I don’t know,” he frowns and pulls away from her.

“When are you gonna know? We go back tomorrow,” Éponine scoffs. 

“It—it’s complicated—”

“Then let me uncomplicate it for you. I don’t like hiding. Make a decision because I’m not going to be the “other woman” for much longer,” Éponine walks out and slams the door after her.

Enjolras growls and throws his shoe at the door.

Back on the East Coast, Combeferre waits on Kayla’s doorstep. His hand shakes. Tessa’s right. He has to talk to Kayla. He finally knocks. He doesn’t hear Brinkley bark and remembers he’s at a doggie daycare for the weekend because of all the overtime Kayla is doing. She opens it immediately with a smile on her face.

“Hey, this is unexpected. I’m about to head into the city, but come in.”

“Thanks, sorry for barging in on you like this,” Combeferre rubs his sweaty palms on his jeans as he follows her into the kitchen.

“Tea or water?” 

“It doesn’t matter.”

She hands him a glass of water. He takes it and sits down at the island.

“Shit, are you okay?” he’s gone pale.

Combeferre shakes his head, wordlessly.

“I don’t know how to tell you this.”

Is he sick? Is Tessa sick? Is he going back to France? He won’t meet her eyes.

“Tessa —,” he licks his lips because his mouth has gone bone dry,” Tessa saw Enjolras and Éponine in SoHo together. Kissing.”

Kayla feels sick with dread as her heart clenches. The room is spinning and all she can hear is the pounding of her heartbeat. She stares at the marble island. 

“When?” her voice is so cold, she doesn’t recognize it.

“A few days ago. I met with him and he was hiding something.” 

“And he’s in LA with her now…” she gets up.

“Yeah…” Combeferre searches her face. He can’t tell what she’s thinking.

Kayla jumps to her feet and runs up the stairs. Combeferre rushes after her. She rips open the door to Enjolras' office and rifles through all the papers. It’s all legal papers. She throws the drawers on the ground. She opens his iPad. He’s too smart to have his messages connected.Nothing. No receipts. No texts. She finally lets out a shaky breath.

“New Year’s,” her tongue brushes the inside of her cheek.

“What?” 

“He was with her. He had to be. I thought something terrible happened and I was right,” she shakes her head. “And he got pissed at me for staying in Noah’s guest room.”

“I’m so sorry, Kay. I’m so sorry,” Combeferre touches her shoulder and she flinches.

She feels a sudden rush of panic as she sees their wedding photo on his desk. She can’t be here. She runs out of the room and down the stairs. She grabs her purse and jacket. She can hear Combeferre yelling her name as she gets in her car, but she doesn’t stop.

The rain starts after Kayla exits the subway station. She’s soaked after a few minutes of walking down the street. She looks around, wondering where she is.

“Kales?” his green eyes are wide and filled with concern.

“N-Noah?” she shivers when she sees him standing on his doorstep. She was in his neighborhood?

“Come inside,” he leads her into his house. He takes her coat. “Let’s get you some tea, okay?”

The heat from the mug warms her numb fingers. She stares at the dark liquid.

“You were right.”

“Hm?”

“He’s cheating on me,” she looks up, “with her—_again_.”

“Fuck.”

“I didn’t want to see it.”

Noah wraps her up in his arms. She lets out a shaky breath and listens to the ringing in her ears. 

“I don’t wanna—I can’t go home,” she pulls back from him.

“Stay here,” he takes her hands in his.

Kayla nods slowly. She’s not very hungry, so he just makes her some toast before she wants to crash. She falls asleep the minute she collapses on the bed. 

She wakes up the next morning and remembers it wasn’t a nightmare. She looks at her phone. She was supposed to pick up Enjolras from the airport hours ago. There’s no texts or calls from him.Her mind drifts to their first night together. The way he smiled at her like she was the only one in the world. How the moonlight hit his angelic hair. The musky scent of him filling the room. The tears burn in her eyes at the realization of how little she matters to him. Noah asks her to stay and let them talk, but she needs to see her husband. 

When Kayla walks in, Enjolras doesn’t say a word. She shuts the door loudly. Still nothing. She looks around. He hasn’t picked Brinkley up from the kennel yet.She marches up the stairs and sees him in his office. It’s been cleaned up. She wonders if it was Combeferre or Enjolras who did it. She hangs in the doorway as he’s fixated on his phone.Her mind wanders to his birthday when he ravished her right on the desk. She remembers feeling the overwhelming power of his love and how she could barely stand under the weight of it. How did they get here? She clears her throat to push the memory aside and he finally turns in his chair.

“Oh, hi,” Enjolras mumbles.

“Hi?” Kayla repeats in disbelief.

“I can’t talk here,” Enjolras sighs and gets to his feet. He moves past her and she follows. He sits in the living room in his regular chair and she sits across from him on the couch. He rubs his hands on his jeans and sighs.

“I-I don’t know what to say,” Enjolras threads his fingers through his thick, blond hair.

Kayla doesn’t say a word. She waits.

“I have something to tell you,” his steely blue eyes bore into hers.

Her heart should be beating fast, but it feels paralyzed in her chest. She doesn’t break his gaze. Enjolras knows he can’t stop now. He has to tell her the truth and calms himself.

“I’ve been seeing Éponine…since New Year’s,” his voice is so matter of fact. She’d think he was reading a legal brief, not admitting infidelity.

Her jaw juts out to the side and her eyes close as the sigh escapes her lips.

“I want—”

Her mind races with possibilities. More therapy? A trial separation? Is he going to beg for forgiveness again? Prove his worth? What more does he want from her? She wipes the tears from her eyes with the back of her hand.

“I want to be with her.”

Her mouth goes dry as her voices dies in her throat. The blood rushes out of her face as she stares at him. She can’t think. She tries to get up, but she’s unsteady. She can’t move. She’s floored. The words hit her stomach like a punch.

“What?” is all she can say.

“I’m leaving you, Kayla.”

Her dark eyebrows knit together as she takes in the stranger across the room. Her heart seizes and she keeps breathing deeply, but can’t get enough air.

“We’re—you’re—after five years of marriage? How—How can you do this to me? To us?” her body quakes with sobs.

“I couldn’t reach you,” Enjolras stares at her.

Kayla gasps and rests her head between her knees. He hasn’t moved. He’s still sitting in his chair. The tears stream down her face as she tries to catch her breath. She looks up at him, scanning his face for any sign of her husband.

“Fuck you, Gabriel. You didn’t even try,” Kayla looks up at him with fresh tears swimming in her eyes. “Do—do you even _love_ me anymore?” she hates how weak her voice is.

“I don’t know,” Enjolras sighs. 

Kayla sinks off the couch onto the floor. She cries out as she feels her heart breaking in her chest. Enjolras doesn’t even flinch.

“What was I supposed to do? I couldn’t stay stuck, Kayla. I had to find happiness like Ferre did with Tessa. She’s the love of my _life_.”

“That’s not the same and you know it. Shittiest argument I’ve ever heard, Counselor,” she seethes and points a finger at him. Rage is coursing through her veins and mixing with the sorrow as she looks up at him with hate in her eyes.

“She makes me happy,” Enjolras says quietly.

“I’m sorry I was too busy mourning our dead child to make you unhappy. You fucking asshole,” Kayla spits,” I gave you a real home, love, family; I gave you _everything_.” 

Her legs still feel weak, but Kayla struggles to her feet. She looks him in the eyes. Nothing she’s said has wounded him. She always wondered why his friends called him the Marble Statute; now she knows. 

“I’m sorry,” Enjolras says. His voice is flat. He’s looking at her with pity. She wishes she could punch him, scratch him, tear him to pieces. 

“I hate you,” Kayla stares him down. He looks back at her, unfazed. 

“Figured you wouldn’t want to sleep here,” Enjolras tosses Kayla a duffel bag which she barely catches.

“You’re un-fucking-believable,” Kayla nearly laughs. 

“No,” Enjolras says firmly.

Kayla looks at him, confused.

“I don’t love you anymore,” there’s a flash of ice in his blue eyes that takes the breath out of her lungs.

Kayla stumbles back, silenced.


	6. vi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lyrics from "Like a Fool" from the film, Begin Again. Enjoy and please leave feedback!

_'Cause you have taken_

_All the wind out from my sails_

_And you have cursed me_

_When there's no one left to blame_

_And I have loved you just the same_

_And you have broken every single fucking rule_

_And I have loved you like a fool_

The din of cars and sirens blare through the thin windows or maybe it’s the sticky heat that never leaves her two bedroom apartment in Washington Heights, but Kayla can’t sleep. She’s indebted to Harper and her girlfriend, Molly, who found her this place so fast.Couch surfing got old after the fourth week. They told her she didn’t owe her anything. Molly is really cool and good for Harper.Harper told Kayla that she never saw herself as pansexual until she met Molly. She just had to be with her. 

With a deep sigh, Kayla gets to her feet and walks across her tiny hallway to the even tinier kitchen. She went from a two story house to a 700 square foot apartment in a matter of two months. Her mind wrestles with the fact that she has to meet with Enjolras and Camille to tell her about the divorce.Kayla was adamant that they let Camille finish her camp. She knows it’s the only thing that’s made her happy since Sophie died. The cold water splashes against her fingers as she fills up a glass from the sink. She’s not going to get any sleep tonight. 

In the morning, Kayla waits awkwardly in what used to be her living room for Camille to wake up. Enjolras sits in his chair across from her. 

“Do you want some—”

“I swear to God if you offer me coffee in this house—my house—I will fucking punch you in the throat,” Kayla seethes.

“Jesus,” Enjolras stares at her.

Kayla silently flips him off. 

“I got served yesterday,” he says coolly and crosses his legs.

“I’m sure it was a real shock for you,” Kayla snaps. She filed for divorced before Enjolras could.She didn’t want to give him the satisfaction.

“Good morning. Mom, how was your conference?” Camille asks walking into the room and giving her a hug.

“Conference?” Kayla repeats.

“I told her you had an overnight conference in New York which was why you weren’t here last night when I picked her up,” Enjolras explains.

Kayla can feel her lip twitching into a snarl. He lied to her?

“Baby, we need you to sit down,” she rubs Cam’s arms.

“What’s going on?” she looks between the two of them as she picks up on the energy in the room.

“I don’t know how to tell you this,” Kayla rubs her hands on her thighs.

“Are you okay, Mom?” Camille’s brown eyes fill with concern.

Kayla bursts into tears and buries her face in her hands.

“Oh my God. What is going on?” Camille rushes over to Kayla on the couch.

Enjolras sighs deeply and Kayla can hear his annoyance, so she pulls back from Camille and wipes her eyes.

“There’s no easy way to say it, but we wanted to wait until you got back,” Enjolras states in a matter of fact tone. “Kayla wasn’t at a conference. She’s moved out.”

“What?” Camille’s dark eyebrows come together. “Why?”

“We’re getting a divorce,” Kayla licks her dry lips and takes Camille’s hand. 

“I don’t understand,” Camille stares at them.

Enjolras kneels in front of Camille. Their gaze meets for a moment as realization washes over her.

“No!” Camille shrieks. She pushes him in the chest. He stands up and her arms start swinging as she lunges for him. Kaylarestrains her. It’s harder now that Camille is Kayla’s height.

“You promised, asshole! You both promised me!”

“Camille, you do not talk to me that way.”

“Why not?”

“Cam, he’s still your dad. You can’t call him an asshole,” Kayla brushes her hand over Camille’s dark hair.

“I don’t wanna lose you. You’re my mom,” Camille turns to her.

“Oh, baby, you’re not gonna lose me,” Kayla wraps her arms around her,” we’re gonna figure all that out. I’m just gonna live somewhere else.”

“Then I wanna live with you.”

“Cam, you’re not gonna live with Kayla,” Enjolras reaches for Camille and she recoils like his touch burned her.

“I hate you.”

“Well, I’m still your father and I still love you.”

“You piece of—”

“Language, Cam.”

“How can you let him do this?”

“I don’t have much of a choice.” 

Kayla cups Camille’s face in her hands.

“Listen to me, Cam, listen. You got accepted into LaGuardia High School and Frank Sinatra School of the Arts. You’re gonna take the city by storm. You have so much ahead of you and I will be there for you every step of the way. I will always love you, penguin.”

“M-Mom, I—” tears spill out of Camille’s brown eyes as she reaches for Kayla.

Kayla holds her tight as she shakes with sobs. 

They decide it’s best for Camille to spend the weekend at Kayla’s. Even though Camille has her own room, she spends her nights in Kayla’s bed. She needs that comfort right now. She shoots daggers at Enjolras when she gets back and refuses to talk to him. 

On Monday, they have the first of many meetings with their lawyers. The rage prickles on the back of her neck every time she has to meet with Enjolras. It’s not hard when he stares at her across the table with such disgust. She tries not to think back to their wedding day when he looked at her like she hung the moon. Now, she’s a monster.For the most part, the divorce is uncontested due to the prenup. Kayla remembers he told her to sign it for Cam’s sake if someone were to happen to him. She finds it ironic now. The house sells quickly and they split it evenly. Enjolras keeps his car, but Kayla sells hers for the money. Enjolras gets a large apartment in Tribeca and keeps Brinkley there. The guardianship stays in place and Kayla is surprised when he doesn’t try to get rid of it. Her lawyer tells her he has no case to prove she’s an unfit guardian, especially since she made her father’s inheritance Camille’s college fund; the case would be a joke and thrown out.

In October, Camille’s birthday is now awkward and tense; Kayla hates it. She thinks about bowing out, but Combeferre convinces her she’s crazy to even think it. Camille needs her now more than ever.He and Grantaire are the only ones that make an effort to stay in contact with Kayla. The rest of Les Amis are more awkward because they don’t really pick sides which is fine for Camille’s sake.She decides to keep her head down and focus on work for the remainder of the year.It’s the only thing she can think to do especially since she’s on her own again. Much to Camille’s delight, Rebecca invites them over again for Hanukkah. She gives encouragement and especially since her own husband left her when Noah was fifteen. 

Thanksgiving is spent at Autumn and Eli’s place in Chelsea with Noah. Harper is with Molly’s family. Tessa joins them while Combeferre does double duty between Enjolras and Kayla. 

The divorce is finalized before Christmas. Kayla leaves the courthouse running down the steps. Enjolras jogs awkwardly behind her. She can smell the cologne she bought him for his birthday last year.

“You don’t have your ring on anymore,” he says quickly.

“Neither do you,” Kayla huffs. 

“What did you do with it?”

Kayla rounds on him once she reaches the end of the stairs.

“Does it matter?”

“Well—,” Enjolras licks his lips and looks away from her.

“I sold it. I figured that was within my rights,” the cold wind blows against her face and she adjusts her collar.

“You—” he reaches out and she sticks her hand in her pocket.

“What do you want, Gabriel?”

“Look, Kayla, I know you hate me—”

“You _ruined_ my life. I wasted so much time and love on you. And f-for what?” tears burn in her eyes and she hates herself for it.

“I just—”

“Oh my God, Gabriel. Are you that much of a fucking narcissist that you can’t handle someone hating you? I’m gone.”

She rushes away from him and gets into the first cab she finds. 

Back at her apartment, Kayla burns their wedding photos. The only pictures left are ones of her and Camille. He’s been cropped out with Eli’s photo editing skills.She already sold the diamond bracelet he got her on their first Christmas. He’s been purged from her Instagram and her Facebook status is now single. There’s no trace of him left. She takes a sleeping pill and cries herself to sleep for the thousandth time since July.

Autumn drags her over for Christmas. She doesn’t want her to be alone. After finishing half a bottle of wine, Kayla sits on their living room floor. 

“Come on, musketeers,” Autumn sits down next to her and is joined by Eli and Noah. Autumn takes a swig from the wine bottle before passing it to Eli.

“You’re gonna be okay, Kales,” Noah sighs.

“Yeah, you’re the toughest person we know,” Eli squeezes her shoulder.

“I love you all,” a knot forms in Kayla’s stomach as she clears her throat.

“And we love you,” Autumn kisses her on the top of her head.


	7. vii

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lyrics from Taylor Swift's "Ready For It?" Enjoy and please leave feedback. Heads up, there is sex in this chapter.

_In the middle of the night,_

_In my dreams,_

_You should see the things we do_

_Are you ready for it?_

It takes a few months of getting used to for Enjolras and Éponine to their relationship being official. Well, more accurately, it takes Éponine a while to get used to it. She decides it’s best that they don’t move in together since Camille is having such a hard time. The more time passes especially once the divorce is finalized, Camille moves from silent, pure hatred to a strained, but on at least on speaking terms stage. Enjolras tries to blame some of it on her being a teenager. 

Despite adjustments, in February, Enjolras finally feels Éponine relax on his birthday. It snows and Camille is at Kayla’s. Éponine picks up Chinese food from their new favorite place. She always likes playing music while they eat off her bluetooth speaker. He snatches half of her egg roll out of her mouth with his teeth. She swats at his shoulder, outraged. He stands up and pulls her to her feet. The music switches over to a slow one and he spins her. Éponine laughs loudly as he pulls her back to him. 

“Unforgivable, even if it’s your birthday,” she chuckles as they dance cheek to cheek. 

“What about now?” Enjolras turns her and presses his chest against her back, swaying with the music.

Éponine sighs happily as his hands rest around her waist. He kisses the soft spot behind her ear and moves to her neck.

“You’re perfect,” he whispers.

“You’re ridiculous,” Éponine turns to look at him. 

Their lips meet and Enjolras can’t remember a birthday more amazing. 

♣

Fucking Monday. It’s close to Valentine’s Day; her neighbor’s dog wouldn’t stop barking all night—and it’s Monday.Kayla tries to ignore Harper when she waltzes in the break room. She hopes the fact she’s literally stabbing her lunch will be enough of a signal—it isn’t. 

“I am so proud of myself,” Harper grins.

“Who did you get this time?” Kayla shakes her head and brings her mug to her lips.

“Jason Kelley,” her brown eyes wide with excitement.

“He has two first names,” Kayla tilts her head.

“And a Pulitzer!” Harper whines.

“So he…writes?” Kayla arches an eyebrow.

“He’s a reporter. He’s been in England for two years. He’s finally coming back to New York and we got him!” Harper shakes her by the arms.

“Okay, okay, I get it,” Kayla bursts into laugher. “So is he talented or just hot?”

“Well, I mean, he’s done correspondent work on CNN, so he’s not ugly,” Harper shrugs, pretending to be nonchalant. 

Kayla stares her down, suspiciously. 

“Fine! He’s like something out of a Rihanna song,” she admits.

“What kind of Rihanna song? Cause Drake is gross,” Kayla’s eyebrows knit together.

“No, not like Drake! I mean where like he’s hot where you don’t know whether you wanna fuck him or slap him.”

“That is so specific. How have you not been reported by HR?”

“Because I only say these things to you!”

“Fair enough.”

“So come on, we gotta meet him.”

“Why me?”

“Because you’re assistant editor, dummy!”

Kayla sets her mug down on the island as Harper grabs her hand.They shuffle down the hall into Angie’s office.

“Oh good, she grabbed you,” Angie says.

“Quite literally,” Kayla wrenches her hand away from Harper’s.

“Jason, this is Kayla Wu, one of our best editors,” Angie beams,” Kayla, this is Jason Kelley.”

He gets up from his seat. He’s in his mid-thirties with lanky, but very solid build. Shit. Harper was right. He’s the definition of tall, dark, and handsome.He gives her a professional smile and puts his hand out.

“Nice to meet you,” Kayla shakes his hand.

“Likewise. You got a column, too, yeah?”

“Yes, I do.”

“You’re a good writer.”

“Thank you,” Kayla scrambles, trying to think of a compliment even though she doesn’t know his work,” but I don’t have a Pulitzer.”

“Yet,” his dark eyebrow arches.

“So, you’re a reporter,” Kayla does her best to keep her face neutral.

“Yeah, I did political stuff in DC for a while and then in the UK, but I’m up for anything,” he nods.

“I figured he could strengthen our current events section and maybe get us a scoop or two. You’ll be editing his pieces,” Angie explains.

“Excited to have you on board. Welcome to _Century_,” Kayla nods awkwardly.

“Thank you,” he smiles with the faintest dimples forming under his beard.

“If you follow Harper to her office, she can help finalize your paperwork,” Angie points to the suspiciously demure Harper.

“Great.”

They shuffle clumsily out of Angie’s office.

“My office is this way,” Harper points and starts to walk.

“Cool, nice meeting you, Kayla,” he waves and follows.

“You too,” Kayla practically sprints away. 

If it wasn’t agonizingly confusing enough to deal with being attracted to someone who isn’t Enjolras without feeling guilty, Kayla has to deal with Harper bringing it up at dinner with Tessa, Molly, and Autumn. Harper proudly displays his photo on her phone.

“Not bad for a white guy,” Tessa shrugs.

“You’re dating a white guy,” Kayla points out.

“I know, but there’s a scale,” Tessa smiles.

“Can we talk about something else?” Kayla sighs.

“I saw the way you looked at him. I’m right, aren’t I?” Harper smirks.

“He is attractive, but I don’t…it’s weird.”

“We saw his face. It’s not weird,” Autumn corrects her.

“It’s weird becauseI’m used to being married.”

“You should fuck someone,” Molly offers suddenly.

“What?”

“Sex is fun. It’ll do you some good.”

“I don’t think that’s my style. I don’t even know how I’d do that.”

“It’s not the worst idea.”

“Autumn!”

“Look, I know I met the love of my life at eighteen, but you’re young. You’re beautiful. Molly’s not wrong.” 

“And it would help you feel less weird about everything. Once you fuck someone else after a long relationship it’s like ‘oh right, other people exist’,” Harper points out.

“I hate this conversation,” Kayla shakes her head.

Out of professional curiosity, Kayla googles Jason’s work when she gets home. She needs to know what she’s getting into since he’s apparently a big deal. She watches some of his interviews on YouTube. His presencestraddles the fine line between confidence and arrogance, but he does it well. He went to Georgetown, graduated summa cum laude; she can see how he got that Pulitzer. He is talented. He’s a good grab for the magazine. She sighs and closes her laptop. The neighbor’s dog starts to bark again and Kayla wraps her pillow around her head.

“Rough night?” Jason asks as she tries to hide her yawn behind her hand for the third time.

“My neighbor has a little terrier likes to bark.”

“Do you need me to call someone? I know a guy.”

“No! God, that’s so evil. I don’t want the dog dead..”

“For the record, I didn’t mean that, but thank you, I love being called evil so early in the morning.”

“Jason Kelley, Pulitzer Prize winning writer and evil white man.”

“Exactly.”

Kayla smiles at him and he smiles right back. She clears her throat immediately and looks back at her computer.

“So, I think the third one has the most traction.” 

“That’s what I was thinking.”

“Oh were you? Is that why it was third?”

His shoulders shake as he laughs loudly. He rests his chin on his hand and grins at her.

“Don’t hold back.”

Kayla is thankful she had Noah as practice because apparently all white men have so much confidence that they don’t need notes. When he comes in a week later to discuss the first draft, he’s pacing around her office as she shakes her head. It’s not a huge office and he has a long stride, so he makes it to the window and back to the chair in seconds.

“Do you want me to be honest?” she sighs, running her thumb over her dark eyebrow.

“You’re plenty honest. AndI quote ‘This paragraph brings the entire article to a screeching halt’.”

Kayla imitates the traffic outside her window. He sets his jaw, but she sees the faintest smile trying to break through. She learned a long time ago that if she didn’t treat male writers, especially white ones, like this, they would walk all over her.

“Look, you know it as well as I do. People don’t wanna read lengthy articles anymore unless they’re gripping.”

“I can be gripping.”

“Which is why I have faith in you for the next draft. Bring it to me by Wednesday. We can get it out Friday.”

He lets out a slow whistle. “Oh, you’re good.”

“Didn’t you know? My title is Assistant Editor to Entitled White Men.

“For handling our fragile egos? Whatever you’re getting paid it’s not enough.”

“I’ll bring it up in my performance review.”

Come Wednesday, Jason’s practically bouncing up and down.

“This is amazing.”

“Hm?”

“You were right.”

Kayla hums in agreement.

“I’m definitely getting blocked by him on Twitter after this comes out.”

“Screenshot it and I’ll use it when I ask for a raise.”

Harper appears in the window by the door and gives her a thumbs up.

Once March comes, it warms up a bit so Kayla decides to go for a run.She started working out after the divorce because her friends agreed it was a good way to channel aggression. She still hates running. She’s so focused on the Janelle Monae in her headphones that she doesn’t hear him.

“Kayla?” Jason shuffles up next to her.

She comes to a stop and takes out her headphones. He’s clearly been running longer than she has. There’s sweat glistening from his forehead to his neck, all over his perpetual five o’clock shadow. He looks like stepped out of a North Face catalog and she can see his defined chest through his zip up. She realizes she’s staring too long and smiles.

“Jason.”

“I didn’t know you liked to run,” he pulls one of his long legs behind him in a stretch.

“Like is a strong word,” she stares at her feet for a moment, so he doesn’t think she was checking him out.“Ready for work tomorrow?”

“Maybe,” he lets go of his leg and stretches the other one.

“Nice small talking with you. I’ll see you later,” Kayla gives him a curt smile before running off. She shakes her head, pushing any unprofessional thoughts away.

Even though she hates running, it does make sleeping easier especially since she’s being weaned off her meds. She drifts off to sleep as soon as her head hits the pillow. Her mouth is being devoured with a slow, torturous kiss. She rakes through dark, sweaty hair. A deep thrust pushes her back into the mattress as the moonlight shines on his face. It’s Jason.

Her brown eyes snap open and she looks up at her ceiling. Shit. She has a work crush. A harmless, but inconvenient work crush. She’s not Harper, so it’s not like anyone will find out about it. She wishes her dream had been about Noah. She could write that one off easy. She groans into her pillow. This is seriously annoying.

For obvious reasons, Kayla tries her best to distance herself from him in a way that stills seems professional. He spends most of the day glued to his laptop, writing. She’s thankful for that. When they go over his article later in the week, she pushes any inappropriate thoughts out of her head as he looms over her desk. She remembers when she had this kind of passion for writing. It’s fallen away like everything else. He high fives her when she tells him the article is trending and she can’t help but notice how large his hands are. She bites her lip and he doesn’t notice. 

Harper takes her out to a club on the weekend with Molly. It’s a lot more fun than she thought. She didn’t get to do too much of this since she was co-parenting a child during most of her twenties. She has to remind herself that she’s not as old as she feels. She’s twenty eight; not even thirty. After dancing with the ladies, Kayla rushes over to the bar, yelling she needs a drink. She looks back over at her friends and it’s good she left. They’re making out on the dance floor. Kayla shakes her head. Harper breaks away after a bit and joins Kayla at the bar.

“Didn’t even smudge your lipstick,” Kayla laughs.

“Long lasting liquid lipstick,” Harper smiles. 

“You heading out?” Kayla arches her eyebrow.

“How did you—”

“Just go. Have fun,” Kayla grins.

“See you later. You’re sure you’re good?” Harper gives her a quick hug.

“I am a big girl. I can handle it. Go be with your gorgeous lady,” Kayla winks.

“You’re the best!” Harper smiles and gives her a hug before dashing out.

The music switches over to a song she hates and she turns on her bar stool to face the crowd. Between the grinding, jumping, and swaying, Kayla feels tired just watching. One couple right in front of her is all hands. A wrinkle appears on her forehead as she realizes she knows this couple. It’s Enjolras and Éponine. Fuck. She spins around on the bar stool away from them. Manhattan has nearly 2 million people and she has to be in the same club as her ex-husband. Immediately, she raises her hand to signal the bartender and orders three more drinks. She knocks them back one after the other. 

“Know something I don’t? Is the world ending?” a familiar voice asks. 

Kayla turns to see Jason standing next to her. He’s wearing a navy button down with the sleeves rolled up, black jeans and sneakers. She pauses and closes her eyes, shoving out the first very inappropriate thought that pops in her head.

“My ex-husband is here with the fucking love of his life,” she jerks her head at them.

“Blondie?” Jason asks.

“Yup,” Kayla nods dramatically.

“Fuck,” Jason sighs.

“Yup,” Kayla nods again.

“Two more of whatever she’s having,” Jason tells the bartender.

The second the bartender sets the glass down, she grabs it and drains it quickly. Jason does the same. She opens her clutch purse and Jason shakes his head. He throws cash down on the bar. 

“Thanks,” she feels her skin flush from the drinks as she hops off the bar stool.She wades deeper into the sea of people, desperate to get away from the happy couple. 

“Kayla!” Jason calls after her, but his voice is lost in the music. 

Finally, she stops in the middle of the crowd and sees Jason staring at her. He’s easy to spot since he’s one of the tallest guys there. He drifts closer to her until they’re standing face to face.

His brown eyes, glassy from the alcohol, lock onto hers. She watches his chest heave up and down from rushing to catch up with her.He leans down and she can feel his warm breath on her ear.

“Blondie is a fucking idiot.”

The music switches over to a Rihanna song. A smile creeps across her face as she looks up at him. Her hips move to the music as she starts to dance. The beat picks up as she whips her hair back. She pushes her back into his chest, so he gets the hint. His hands rest on her hips as they move together. He spins her around and stares at her lips. They move so fast their teeth clack together as they try to kiss. Kayla laughs and looks down.

“We can do better than that,” Jason takes her face in his hands and leans down.

Just like in her dream, he’s not gentle or sweet. His kisses are starved like a man returning home from World War I. She can’t help the moan that escapes from her swollen lips. Feeling the liquid courage pulse through her veins, she grinds against his leg in time with the music. His low groan echoes in her ear as he cups her ass. He’s sucking on her tongue and if she’s not careful, she’s gonna let him take her right here on the dance floor. With great difficulty, she steps back.

“Wanna get out of here?” she says, breathless.

“Fuck yes,” he swoops down and kisses her again. 

Jason takes her hand in his and they walk out of the club. The cold air is a welcome rush on her face. His eyes scan the street and land on a bodega. He checks for traffic before dashing across the street with her.

“What are we doing?” Kayla practically whines. She wants him to kiss her again. 

“I haven’t walked around with condoms in my wallet since I was twenty-one,” he laughs. His smile lights up his whole face. 

“I can’t go in there. That’s too embarrassing,” Kayla feels herself going pink.

Jason presses on the small of her back and guides her mouth to his. 

“I’ll be right back,” he sighs and breaks away from her.

She closes her eyes and tries not to overthink her first one night stand. She opens them when she hears his voice. He holds up the bag with a smile. She laughs.

“Can we go to your place? I’m still staying with my little sister.”

“That’s really cute,” she can’t help but smile.

“Stop it, you’re ruining the mood,” he shakes his head and takes her hand again. 

On the subway, she holds onto the pole, not sure what to do or where to look. Why did she have to live 30 minutes away from Midtown? It feels like three hours. Perhaps Jason senses her nerves because his large hand brushes the side of her face. His pink tongue darts out and wets his lips.She nods or trembles. She’s not sure which because she’s too focused on the desire pooling below her waist. His mouth teases her with a slow, chaste kiss before sliding his tongue into her mouth as the train rushes forward. For just kissing, it's filthy.

Once they’re in her apartment, the clothes fall to the floor and he takes no time in lifting her up and walking the embarrassingly short distance to her bedroom. She’s surprised at how gently he sets her down on her bed. 

“You sure you want to do this?” he asks, still standing.

“Yes, please—I mean yes,” she laughs.

“Well, since you said please…” he flashes a wicked smile and gets on his knees.

He tugs her legs towards him. She yelps in surprise as he throws her legs over his shoulders. His facial hair scratches her inner thigh, but not in a bad way.

“Um, what are you—” Kayla is cut off by the most wanton moan to escape her lips. Any embarrassment or nerves fly disappear as her body takes over. She can’t think. Her hips buck wildly as his hands rest on her thighs. It’s too much, but she can’t get enough._Please, don’t stop, please. _Her fingers dig into his shoulder when her body stiffens. He doesn’t stop until she’s shaking with bliss.She pants heavily, looking down at him.

“Fuck…me.”

“If you insist.”

He stands up again and takes one of the condoms out of the box. The second he gets on the bed, she’s on top of him. She holds onto the headboard as she lowers herself down until she feels him. 

She’s never had sex like this. She’s used to being in a relationship with someone. This is strangely liberating. Or maybe it’s just so fantastic her brain has literally shut off. It’s on a purely carnal level. The moans echo throughout her tiny apartment and bounce off the walls. She doesn’t even care about her neighbors. Her nails dig into his sweaty back.His low, grated groan sends chills down her spine. Her heart is going to burst out of her chest and the pads of her feet begin to tingle. It travels up the base of her spine and she’s crying out. He rolls them over and throws her leg over his hip. A few more erratic thrusts and he’s clenching his jaw.

“Fuck,” he hisses.

They lay there, winded and grinning. Her head is swimming and she can’t feel her legs. 

Kayla feels his weight shift as he stands up and hears him shuffle over to her bathroom. She pulls her sheets back and slips under the covers. She lives in a shoebox, so he’s back in a minute. He joins her in bed and his dark eyes find hers. 

“Um,” Kayla laughs at herself, “I’m gonna be a cliché, but I’ve never done this kind of thing before.”

“Don’t worry. There’s no Emily Post for this,” his voice is soft. 

Kayla snorts with laughter and covers her mouth immediately. 

“That was a good joke.”

She feels stupid being bashful around someone who just had his head in between her thighs. She inches closer to him and he does the same.

“Do you wanna go?” she hates how small her voice sounds. She used to be so sure of herself. 

“Want me to go?” he props himself up on his elbow. 

“N-No,” she shakes her head a little too quickly. 

“Then I’ll stay,” Jason smiles and slides his hand down her shoulder to her waist.

His touch is nice. He circles her soft skin with his thumb and without realizing it, Kayla falls asleep. 

In the morning, the light seems too bright coming through the window. She turns over and sees Jason’s back. She chews her lip and smiles. Her friends were right. Sex did make her feel better. She reaches blindly for her phone and sees texts from all her friends complaining about the weather. She lifts one of the blinds and looks out. Everything is covered in snow. She's blinded. It's March?! Of course, she gets snowed in after her first one night stand. She sighs and props herself up with her pillow. Jason murmurs next to her and rolls onto his back.

She replies to each of her friends with variations of WTF.

"You're not gonna believe it," she says softly.

"Hm?" he rubs his eye with the heel of his hand.

"Look outside," she jerks her head to the window.

He sits up and she shamelessly checks him out as he lifts one of the blinds with his fingers. 

"Shit."

"No quick exit for you," she chuckles.

"Who said I wanted a quick exit?" 

His large hands squeeze her waist and she squeals with delight as he lifts her on top of him. They settle on her hips and his thumb grazes the sharp bone there. She sighs. 

“I wanna return the favor from last night,” she says in a husky voice she does not recognize.

“Don’t let me stop you,” he smirks.

Kayla takes his free hand and brings his fingers to her lips. His eyes flutter as she slides his index finger into her mouth. She kisses down his wrist and further down to his freckle covered arm until she reaches his neck. Her fingers spread over the expanse of the dark hair on his chest. It sparks a primal heat between her thighs. The noises he’s making echo through her as she moves down his body. She disappears under the covers and he groans. She always felt like she was bad at this. She was never comfortable with it. She liked doing it, but she never really received feedback? Noah liked anything because they were each other’s firsts and Enjolras was always quiet.

Jason’s hips involuntarily buck forward and she coughs a bit.

“Sorry,” she hears him sigh.

Her head pops up from under the covers.

“Was that bad?” she might as well just ask. 

“N-no,” Jason clears his throat. He’s struggling to speak. “I just didn’t wanna hurt you.”

“ I was just--surprised. I’m sorry,” whatever courage that husky voiced woman had was gone now.

“Kayla, I’ll let you know if I don’t like what you’re doing. I hope you do the same for me,” he locks eyes with her. He’s really sweet for a man with such devilish good looks.

“Yeah, of course,” she smiles and disappears under the covers again. 

She feels his hand palming the back of her head, so she must be doing something right. His breathing hitches and she hears swear words mixed with her name. 

“K-Kayla, I’m gonna--”

She appreciates the warning, but she doesn’t mind. He clearly didn’t mind being head first between her legs last night. She wiggles back up from under the sheets and smiles at him. 

His mouth is on hers and his long arm is groping towards her nightstand. She laughs and grabs the box of condoms. She gives him a questioning look and he flashes a grin. 

Her mind shuts off again once she feels him inside her. It’s faster than last night because it’s a lot rougher, but it’s fun. It feels like a challenge to see who could outdo the other, but they’re both spent by the end.Jason slides back into his boxer briefs and Kayla grabs her robe from the bathroom.He laughs.

“My little sister thinks I was abducted,” he shows her five texts in a row from someone named Audrey.

_ WHERER U?_

_ DID U DIE IN THE BLIZZARD?_

_ IF UR DEAD I’M NOT TELLING MOM_

_ OKAY IF U WERE ABDUCTED I MIGHT PAY THE RANSOM_

_ JASON!!!!!_

“You’re not randomly hooking up with editors on your Friday nights?” Kayla laughs.

“Not usually,” he grins. “Audrey is just annoyingly protective.”

“It’s sweet.”

Kayla moves over to her tiny kitchen. 

“So, I have eggs, a _Kashi _cereal my daughter loves, or I guess I could make French toast, if you’re nice.”

“Anything is fine with me. Definitely not the cereal,” Jason sits at her kitchen table.

“Good cause I swear she measures it.”

“How old is she?”

“She’s thirteen.”

“How is that possible?”

“Step-daughter.”

“That’s cool. I’m guessing she’s not with her dad if he was out last night?”

“She’s at a friend’s. She won’t wake up until noon, so I’ll find out what she thinks of the snow.”

“What’s her name?”

“Camille Enjolras. She’s French like my ex.”

“Does she go to school in the city?”

“Yeah, one of the fancy art high schools.”

“Wow.”

“She’s actually really good.”

“Look at you,” he rests his chin on his hand. “So proud.”

Kayla laughs and tucks her hair behind her ear.

She makes them eggs in a hole or basket or whatever. After, they both take a shower, but not together since her bathroom won’t allow it without some creative gymnastics. 

When Kayla sits on the couch, she must look tense because Jason starts rubbing her shoulders. 

“What’s going on in that brilliant head of yours?” he asks. 

“I don’t wanna ruin it,” she sighs as he kisses her neck. 

“Ruin what?” he whispers against her skin. 

Kayla turns around to face him. She was enjoying herself earlier, but reality is setting in now.

“Monday is gonna be so weird and you’re a really good grab for the magazine,” she says soberly.

“What’s weird?” he reaches out to touch her and then stops.

“Um because of what we did together--” she can feel her cheeks burning.

“Sex, you can say sex,” he teases.

“Sex,” she shakes her shoulders. “I mean I like you, but I don’t want things to be weird.”

“Kayla, I like you too.”

“I just don’t think I can date anyone right now.”

His face doesn’t fall the way she expects it to. 

“What about friends with benefits?” he arches an eyebrow. 

“Isn’t that awkward?”

“We’re adults. It’s not a big deal,” he hooks his fingers in the belt loops of her jeans.

“It sounds fine to me,” Kayla sighs.

“Good cause I wanna make out with you like we’re horny teenagers,” he pulls her forward and kisses her. 

Thirty heavenly minutes later, Kayla can’t catch her breath. She needs to get her pants back on and she can’t look at Jason’s smug face between her thighs any longer. 

“Wipe that smile off your face,” she pushes his chest back with her foot. 

“Here,” he hands her jeans and panties to her from off the floor. 

Kayla gets dressed and checks her phone.

“Streets are clear,” she shows him her Instagram feed. 

“Kicking me out?” he teases with a grin. 

“Don’t want to die of dehydration,” she kisses him. 

His forehead rests against hers when he breaks the kiss.

“Now, you’re just being mean.” 

“You’ll survive.” 


	8. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Due to declining interest on my part for this fic, I have written an epilogue that will be 5 years after the events of chapter 6. Dylan is fancasted as Brie Larson who is a former child actress who teaches at Camille's school. She and Kayla meet and it's fireworks. It's basically all of the love songs on Taylor Swift's "Lover". They break up because she has a film in LA to do, but after Kayla gets some success as an author, meets her mother's side of the family, and attends R's wedding, Dylan comes back. Noah ends up with Jason's sister, Audrey and her friend, Jake, marries Grantaire. Enjolras and Ep apologize to Kayla for how they handled things and they forgive each other. This is Camille's high school graduation. Please leave feedback if you'd like. I'm sorry I couldn't finish this the way I wanted to, but I didn't want to just abandon it.

_And I can still see it all (in my mind)_

_All of you, all of me (intertwined)_

_I once believed love would be (black and white)_

_But it's golden (golden)_

_And I can still see it all (in my head)_

_Back and forth from New York (sneakin' in your bed)_

_I once believed love would be (burnin' red)_

_But it's golden_

_Like daylight_

“I can’t wear this!” Camille throws her hands in the air. 

“That’s the fifth dress you’ve thrown on the bed,” Eponine growls and hangs in the hallway.

“Let me try,” Kayla smiles and goes into the bedroom. “What are we going for here, penguin?”

“I’m not penguin anymore!” Camille sighs.

“How’s it going?” Dylan walks up to Eponine. 

“Impossible,” Eponine buries her face in her hands.

“Okay, Camille, my beautiful young adult—”

“What about this?” Dylan struts into the room with a hanger over her shoulder.

Camille opens it and sees a silver suit. 

“This is so awesome, D!” Camille rushes to the bathroom.

“You are fantastic,” Kayla wraps her arms around her.

“I know,” Dylan grins. 

They share a kiss as Camille walks out of the bathroom.

“What do we think?”

“Fabulous!” Kayla claps.

“I know graduation speeches are usually really long, but all I have to say is this: I think we can do anything if we have the people who love us on our side,” Camille says into the microphone.

Éponine blots her eyes with a tissue. Enjolras catches Kayla’s eye and they share a smile before he puts his arm around Éponine. Dylan threads her fingers in between Kayla’s. Their diamond rings clack together and Kayla kisses her platinum blonde hair.

After the graduation, everyone makes their way to the restaurant where they’re holding the graduation party. As Kayla and Dylan walk down the street, paparazzi snap shots of them.

“Dylan Lennon! Dylan Lennon! Is it true you’ll be headlining the new Tomb Raider franchise?”

“I’m just here to go to a family graduation with my wife,” Dylan takes Kayla’s hand and walks past them.

“We should do something together. I don’t wanna take that project,” Dylan says.

“Dyl, I’ve never written a movie,” Kayla laughs.

“Yeah, but you’re a best-selling author. It might be fun,” Dylan wiggles her eyebrows at her.

Audrey and Noah jog over to Dylan and Kayla as they walk into the restaurant. They have a private room with the balcony. Combeferre is talking to Jason while Tessa is holding their daughter on her hip and talking to Jason’s wife, Emma. 

“Who picked out that suit? Camille looks amazing!” Audrey hugs Kayla.

“Dylan!” Kayla smiles.

“Such good taste,” Jake walks over with his hand in Grantaire’s. 

“You would know,” Dylan smiles at him.

“This is the best party ever!” Camille throws her arms around Kayla. She’s two inches taller than her and Kayla can’t believe it.

“Your speech was beautiful,” Kayla smiles at her.

“I couldn’t have done it without my family,” Camille grins back.

Enjolras and Éponine join in on the hug. It’s a perfect day.

♣

Camille is lost. She looks down at her map. She keeps her eyes down as she keeps moving forward and runs smack into someone. 

“I am so sorry!” Camille stammers.

“It’s okay!” the young woman smiles.

“Are you a freshman?” she has warm brown eyes and brown dreadlocks. 

“Uh..yeah…” Camille smiles back.

“I’m a sophomore. I remember how confusing this was. Let me help you. I’m Max,” she offers her hand.

“Camille,” she takes it. 

Electricity hums through Camille’s veins as they walk down campus together. Maybe college will be okay.


End file.
